Live and let them live

You're welcome to walk on over to my other blog!

2006-11-22T10:16:00.000+08:00

I just realized that people still pass by this blog from time to time. Unfortunately, 3 blogs are a juggling act I cannot handle so let me invite you to the one that I've decided to maintain. It's called This is NOT a job for superheroes and I hope you check it out sometime.

A sincere thank-you to all who took the time to read (and even comment on) my posts here. I hope you've benefited from what you've read here in some way.

Maybe I'll be able to resume this blog someday, but for now it'll be "on hiatus."

** Artwork by Papemelroti

An open letter to Michael Schiavo

2006-04-02T23:09:00.000+08:00

Terri Schiavo's death a year ago was a precedent of sorts. So many blogs in the blogosphere have been offering much information and insight on the issues surrounding this incident, so for today I'll simply post a copy of the open letter that Fr. Frank Pavone -- national director of Priests for Life -- wrote to Michael Schiavo and read on an internationally broadcast religious service on March 26:

“A year ago this week, I stood by the bedside of the woman you married and promised to love in good times and bad, in sickness and health. She was enduring a very bad time, because she hadn't been given food or drink in nearly two weeks. And you were the one insisting that she continue to be deprived of food and water, right up to her death. I watched her face for hours on end, right up to moments before her last breath. Her death was not peaceful, nor was it beautiful. If you saw her too, and noticed what her eyes were doing, you know that to describe her last agony as peaceful is a lie.

“This week, tens of millions of Americans will remember those agonizing days last year, and will scratch their heads trying to figure out why you didn't simply let Terri's mom, dad, and siblings take care of her, as they were willing to do. They offered you, again and again, the option to simply let them care for Terri, without asking anything of you. But you refused and continued to insist that Terri's feeding be stopped. She had no terminal illness. She was simply a disabled woman who needed extra care that you weren't willing to give.

Read the complete letter in the North Country Gazette

Worldwide declaration for the little ones

2006-03-29T19:02:00.000+08:00

I'm trying to get back on track as far as this blog is concerned. Now that I'm slowly picking up again after concentrating more on my other blog the past couple of months, here's some good news to mark this comeback!

Pro-life Governments Around World Declaring March 25 “Day for the Unborn Child”

by Hilary White

March 28, 2006 (LifeSiteNews.com) – An international movement is afoot to establish March 25 as the Day for the Unborn Child. Beginning in 1993 in El Salvador as “Day for the Right to be Born,” the movement has grown to include other Latin American countries and is being imported to countries around the world.

The celebration in 1999 in Buenos Aires was noted by Pope John Paul II and joined by representatives of the Muslim, Orthodox and Jewish communities in Brazil. Pope John Paul said he hoped the day would be adopted internationally as “a positive option in favour of life and the spread of a culture for life to guarantee respect for human dignity in every situation.”
Now, Argentina, Paraguay, Guatemala, Peru, Nicaragua, Uruguay, Dominican Republic, Mexico, the Philippines, Costa Rica, Australia and even Cuba, make some annual observance of the right of the child to be born.

Full story at Lifesite

She

2006-03-26T18:45:00.000+08:00

A Real Woman...
Appreciates God's design of men
and women
Likes being a girl
Behaves like a lady
Cherishes her femininity
Knows that she is special.

A Real Woman...
Recognizes goodness
Delights in truth and beauty
Respects herself and other people
Stands up for what is right
Gives compliments and praise
Is concerned about others
Knows how to listen and be a friend.

Two become one?

2006-01-20T08:50:00.000+08:00

I've heard different women utter a particular 3-word statement when talking about a new relationship, about being engaged, meeting future in-laws, the newness of married life and any other stage of the boyfriend-girlfriend/fiance-fiancee/husband-wife journey: "He completes me."

They are obviously referring to their beloved when they say these words. I've often wondered what each of them meant, but I assumed those words meant something different to every one of them.

Then I come across this piece recently which contains the following:

There are plenty of love songs with the phrase, “You complete me.” Yet the accompanying notion that “two become one” implies that you are only 50% or half a person until married. That misguided belief has caused many disappointed brides who find out, only after walking down the isle, that marriage doesn’t fill you up, it doesn't complete you nor make you whole—a man offers so much in the way of love, understanding, companionship, strength but he cannot fill every void.

One some level, two indeed become one after a man and a woman make a promise to love and serve one another. But this doesn't mean that each is half a person before they pronounce their matrimonial vows. As the writer pointed out, "Marriage is the sum of the parts you already have; it either doubles the love or doubles the trouble, or doubles a little bit of both."

Remember the time

2006-01-16T10:02:00.000+08:00

Excerpts from the article "Helping Elderly People," published in the Asahi Shimbun on May 24, 2005:

In the town of Shikatsu, Aichi Prefecture, an effective method has been adopted to prevent senile dementia. It is called a “memory-method approach,” and involves elderly people discussing their memories among themselves.

One of the participants said, “We went to school with a handmade cloth bag on our backs.” Another said, “We called a pencil box ‘fudezutsu.’”

They talked without interruption, switching from one subject to another, from umbrellas to school records and lunches. Their memories were surprisingly vivid, and the coordinators paid attention so that every participant talked.

The memory-method approach stabilizes the elderly people's state of the mind. They remember things relatively well even if they suffer from cognitive disease. They scrape together their memories and, in their minds, return to the course they have taken. By practicing that procedure, they reinvigorate their brain and gain the courage to meet the current circumstances they face.

The memory school was opened four years ago. The town's museum of folklore, in which about 100,000 pieces of houseware and toys, such as washtubs, folding dining tables and traditional cooking stoves commonly used in the Showa Era (1926-1989), are crammed, played a large part in establishing the school. The fact that elderly people who visited the museum became lively at seeing the articles being shown offered important suggestions to the planners.

Full story at Global Action on Aging

Bloggers for life get together

2006-01-13T11:14:00.000+08:00

Know what EB stands for?

"Eyeball."

And it's got nothing to do with a visit to the ophthalmologist.

I first heard the term around 1998, used to refer to a meet-up between people who correspond through email, online forums and chatrooms. I tend to think the fellow who coined the term with this definition is on Philippine shores since I got a "huh?" everytime I mention the word to my online buddies then living elsewhere.

What's happening on the 23rd of this month is somewhat an eyeball, but then it goes deeper than sharing a cup of coffee and hanging out (which is what takes place many times among those who engage in this kind of meet-up).

Needless to say, Blogs4Life -- the first annual conference of pro-life bloggers -- will be a gathering with a goal. It'll be fun, too, and non-bloggers are welcome to join them, but suffice it to say the participants will be there not merely to hang out. I wish I could join them and meet others who regard respect and care for human life as a priority, especially in today's world where human dignity seems to be forgotten or disregarded by many.

The conference, organized by Tim of ProLifeBlogs and sponsored by The Family Research Council, will be held in Washington D.C. right before the March for Life gets going.

Walk the talk

2006-01-13T10:47:00.000+08:00

Words are mere bubbles of water, but deeds are drops of gold.

- Chinese proverb

Daddy, play with me?

2006-01-13T10:30:00.000+08:00

An excerpt from the book Hidden Messages: What Our Words and Actions are Really Telling Our Children

By Elizabeth Pantley

He peeks into his wife’s home office and greets her warmly. As they chat about their day, she asks if he’d mind fixing dinner so she can finish up a few things. “No problem,” he assures her. Before heading to the kitchen, he pauses to savor a moment’s peace, silently planning out the next few hours: check the mail, listen to messages, take a nice hot shower, change into sweats, fix a quick dinner…

“Hi, Daddy! Play with me?” Snapped out of his reverie, Jeff puts on a smile and bends to wrap a hug around the giggling little angel with the hopeful eyes. He twirls her around in big circles and plants kisses on her nose. “Hey, my little Lily-flower!” he croons. He buries his nose in her soft hair, loving the little-child feel and scent of her. Laughing with glee, Lily cherishes these sparkling moments in her daddy’s arms; craving more, she implores, “Play with me?”

“Hey, punkin’, I have some things to do; then we’ll play later.”

“Just a little while, Daddy?” she pleads with a smile. But looking at his face, she suddenly knows he’d never drop everything just for some silly play, but she can’t help asking one last time. When the expected answer comes, she wanders off resignedly to watch the TV show that’s always on at this time, always on for her when Daddy’s not.

Lily watches her program, all the while counting the minutes on the clock. Jeff loses himself in the mail, the newspaper, and the answering machine, looking forward to the completion of all his daily responsibilities so that he can play with his daughter. After some time on the computer reading e-mail, he trudges upstairs, loosening his tie. He can almost feel the steamy warmth of the shower, the comfort of those old sweats, the … wait, what is this?

He turns to find a beaming little girl, who’d sneaked up the stairs behind him, given away by the soft thumping of her tiny feet. She musters all the vocal sweetness that she imagines a good girl to have and asks, “Can we play now, Daddy?” She doesn’t want to bother him, doesn’t want to pester. She just wants him close to her, laughing his silly laugh just for her.

What Jeff hears is persistence -- a trait he will someday appreciate in her as an adult, but one that annoys him today. So, with a ruffle of her hair, he dismisses her with strained patience. “In a little bit, Lily. Why don’t you go ask Mommy if she can play with you now?”

* * *

“Ready for some dinner?” he asks, walking quickly past her in an effort to stave off a few repeats of her “Want to play?” chorus. He enters the kitchen and begins pulling items from the refrigerator. Just then, the telephone rings, and little ears listen -- as they always do -- as Jeff answers. “Hello? Hey, Steven. How are ya? Great. Did you catch the game Sunday? I can’t believe he missed that play…” And so he is lost to her again, this time to adult conversation, phone tucked between ear and shoulder.

* * * * *

After letting his wife know where he’s bound, he leans down to plant kisses on his daughter’s soft cheeks. “Be right back, punkin’,” he says. And he leaves too quickly to notice the silent tears that begin to run down those same cheeks so hastily kissed, soft cheeks that are soon buried in pillows. When Jeff returns, she is asleep, dreaming of moving out and becoming a neighbor who could ring the doorbell, call Daddy on the phone, and send e-mails to him.

“You are not as important to me as the mail, the messages, the dinner, the phone call or the neighbor. I love you, but I’m too busy for you-and there’s always later, there’s always tomorrow.”

Read more at Dads Today

Marching for life

2006-01-10T15:15:00.000+08:00

The 33rd annual March for Life, which happens in Washington D.C., is coming up -- it's on Jan. 23, and a look at some sites containing information about the event shows that preparations have been underway for quite a long time now.

The march and rally, which mark the anniversary of the U.S. Supreme court's 1973 decision to legalize abortion, last year drew about 100,000 people from different parts of the country . Apart from the main event, other activities are happening on that day as well as on days prior to it.

Silent No More Awareness Campaign has these gatherings to be held in different states, in preparation for the Jan. 23 event. American Collegians for Life (ACL) is holding its 2006 ACL Conference on Jan. 21 at the Catholic University of America (also in Washington D.C.). Rock for Life's 2006 Training Weekend is on Jan. 20-23 (details are on this page). And Fr. Frank Pavone, the national director of Priests for Life, has a full schedule of March for Life activities, starting on Jan. 12th.

Then, there's Blogs4Life, the first annual conference of pro-life bloggers, happening on Jan. 23, also in Washington D.C. The conference keynote speaker will be syndicated columnist and National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez.

Looks like the D.C. area will be mighty busy in a few weeks' time!

February, on the other hand, is Pro-Life Month in the Philippines. More about that soon.

** Photo from A Child is Born by Lennart Nilsson
4 months old, 16 cm (about 6 1/2 inches) long. When the feet and toes are partially developed, it is the leg's turn to grow. The spiral shape of the umbilical cord is caused by the fact that the two arteries and the vein are longer than the sheath in which they are contained -- an ingenious safety device for lively fetuses!

Wandering

2006-01-10T10:48:00.000+08:00

I think it's a virus that's responsible for wiping out many of the links to resources that were listed on this blog. It happened last week while I was in the process of posting a new entry -- clicking on the "publish" tab revealed the new post indeed, but the list of websites and blogs was unmistakably shorter. The counter had vanished, too.

Since then I had tried to locate some of the sites I could remember (good thing the archives contain references to them!). Did you know that digging up old posts can be so much fun? It's like going through a box of memorabilia or reading old letters and notes from high school friends. Of course, this blog's archives only go back as far as May 2005; still, it was somewhat awe-inspiring to see the wealth of materials posted here (I especially liked reading about Joshua Heldreth once more).

The next couple of posts may seem familiar to you, and that's because they are "repeats."

The text immediately following this, however, is something I discovered just a while ago at Ask Dutchy, as I was reconstructing the "Blogs I Peek Into" list. It sure is an eye-opener.

* * * * *

Wandering Alzheimer's
Here is a post from www.mycarelink.net a forum for families who are caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's.

The lost are found, with a little help from Safe Return Program
Keeping them safe
By Lisa Ryckman, Rocky Mountain News

November 14, 2005

On a fall day seven years ago, Kenneth Talburt went for a walk and never came back.

Nobody knows where the 75-year-old man thought he was going when he put on the baseball cap that proclaimed him "No. 1 Granddad" and left his home at the Grandview Acres trailer park in Cañon City.

For years, nobody knew where Kenneth Talburt was.

And he was only a mile away.

Some hikers found his remains, and the hat given to him by his granddaughters, down a steep embankment in a wooded area in May. It appeared that he had walked until he couldn't anymore.

Like the estimated 30,000 other people who wander away every year, Talburt's last walk was propelled by Alzheimer's or some other dementia-related disease, police believe. It's estimated that 60 percent of the 4.5 million Americans with dementia will wander, becoming lost and confused - even in a place they've lived for years.

There's a one-day window to find them before their chances of survival are cut in half, research shows.

"It's very dangerous behavior," says Catherine Sewell, director of client services for the Alzheimer's Association. "And the longer they're missing, the worse it is."

While the word wandering implies aimlessness, its definition changes when dementia is involved, says Jennifer Pancer, safety specialist with the Alzheimer's Association. Most people who become lost had a goal in mind.

"These folks get stuck in a past time, and they head out to fulfill whatever was happening at that time in their lives," she says.

Deborah Uetz's father was used to driving and taking long walks when he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, even though he was getting lost in the home he'd lived in for 50 years.

"The fear of him becoming lost was my greatest nightmare," says Uetz, co-author of Into the Mist: When Someone You Love Has Alzheimer's. "My husband's grandmother had suffered from Alzheimer's disease and was killed by a truck while wandering on a dark road in the middle of the night."

But putting limitations on loved ones, even for their own good, can cause guilt feelings for caregivers, she says.

"Asking my dad for his car keys was one of the hardest things I ever had to do," Uetz says. "Unfortunately, there are a staggering number of people who are driving with dementia because it is so upsetting to take their keys."

To keep her father safe during his walks, Uetz went along.

"The unexpected outcome of that was some conversations that meant the world to me," she says. "He talked about things he did when he was a little boy and even told me about the first girl he ever kissed. I actually got to know him better after his illness than I had before his symptoms began."

Wandering can happen at any time, Pancer says, and any memory can trigger it. A woman who was put on a bus in Missouri bound for Georgia ended up in New Jersey - the site of her daughter's funeral four years earlier. She was living on the street when she was found nine days later.

"Her daughter's funeral may have been the last time she was on Greyhound," Pancer says.

Wanderers on wheels, such as a man who drove across three states because he thought he needed to get to work, are rare, Pancer says. Most go on foot, like Anna Sporcich, who clearly had a destination when she walked away from her Denver assisted-living residence in May, an extra pair of shoes in her hand.

She headed to the home she'd lived in for 27 years but fell down with nine blocks to go. Police took her to the emergency room and tracked down her daughter, Mary Hanna.

"I sat in a chair crying like a baby. I was scared to death," says Hanna, who was vacationing in New York when police reached her. "I was so far away. And it's my mother."

Hanna had registered her mother with the Alzheimer's Association Safe Return Program, a nationwide, round-the-clock identification system. In its 12 years, 100,000 people have been registered with Safe Return, and it has helped locate more than 7,500 of them.

The entire article can be found here

2006-01-10T10:21:00.000+08:00

"Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant with the weak and wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these."

- Dr. Robert H. Goddard

A husband's letter

2006-01-10T10:15:00.000+08:00

Take a look at this letter that a husband wrote to his wife. It springs from the issue surrounding the late Terri Schiavo and was published in Boundless webzine on March 31, 2005. You can check out the original page at the Boundless website.

If I End Up Like Terri: An Open Letter to My Wife
By Mark Hartwig

Dear Janelle,

These last few months have troubled me deeply. And I have a request that I hope you'll have the courage and strength to honor: If I ever become like Terri Schiavo, please don't put me through what she has endured.
After fighting cancer for 10 years; after suffering through multiple courses of toxic drugs; after two stem-cell transplants and 16 dismal weeks in a hospital room, tied to tangles of tubes, I've only scratched the surface of her misery. I feel as if I've scaled great mountains of suffering only to find I'm in the foothills of a range that towers beyond sight.
Dear, if I'm ever forced to scale that range, if I ever become like Terri — whether through the myriad drugs I'm taking, future treatments or the cancer itself — please don't pull my feeding tube. Instead, if at all possible, take me and my tube home, where I can live out my days with you and the kids, and where friends can come and go as they wish.
Put me in a place where I won't be in the way, but can still sense the activity of life around me. Talk to me; share your hopes, fears and failures with me. Read me books. I may not understand, but perhaps I'll sense the warmth of a lover's voice. And I promise I won't interrupt, or give away your secrets. And deep down inside, perhaps I'll groan a wordless prayer for you.
And please, please, please don't crush what's left of me by taking another lover while I still live. You're my wife, Dear, my only lover. Apart from God alone, you're the one person who daily breathes confidence and acceptance into my life. You're the one with whom I can feel unashamed and completely at home. I can absorb the loss of many things. But please don't rob me of that. Abide with me, as you have done so faithfully through our many years of trauma and tears.
This is my wish, Dear. I hope to live with you a good many years. I hope to grow old with you and see our grandchildren. But if I don't, know that I love you and that I always will. I promise ... just as I did a quarter century ago.
With all my love,
Mark

Kids and the things they say

2006-01-06T09:06:00.000+08:00

Eight-year-old Samantha was given a diary for a birthday gift. To her mother's amusement, on the personal information page, under the heading "Blood Type," she wrote: "Warm."

* * * * *

My four-year-old cousin scared us one summer when he disappeared during our beach holiday. More than a dozen relatives banded together and searched the whole place. To our relief we eventually found Martin playing calmly near the cottages. "Listen to me, Martin," his mother said sharply. "From now on when you want to go some place, you tell Mommy first, okay?" Martin thought about that for a moment then said, "Disneyland."

From Reader's Digest

The most important man in a girl's life

2006-01-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

"My father is my role model. I compare all the other men in the world to him. My dad is the most loving, tolerant, admirable, dependable man I've ever known. He is the model that I judge all other men by. Sharing this kind of relationship with my dad has given me a lot of faith, encouragement and direction. That love and support I have had through the years, and continue to have, has made me a much stronger person," a daughter told me once.

Dear father, nurture your daughter
By Rachna R. Buxani, Gulf News Report

Men as protectors

2006-01-02T16:40:00.000+08:00

Did you ever see an episode of "Little House on the Prairie"? I did, as well as dozens and dozens more (it was part of my weekly viewing fare as a kid). Now that I think about it, the clearest image of a father in my mind -- as far as the celluloid world is concerned -- has got to be Mr. Ingalls. And I remembered him after reading an interview of educator and author of parenting books, James Stenson, about the role of fathers as family protectors. Here's an excerpt:

Q: Why is it important for fathers to maintain the traditional role as protectors of their families?

Stenson: It's important that we see the role of a father's protection in a broad sense, not just as physical protection from harm.

When we look at the very important ways a man protects his family, we can better understand the dire effects in today's families caused by the man's absence -- either physical or moral -- in family life.

So, what are the different forms of this manly protection?

First of all, a family man devotes his manly powers to protect his wife from anyone who would threaten her. It seems to be a natural instinct among males, to protect the women in their lives -- wife, mother, sisters, daughters -- from outsiders' aggression.

For instance, if a man were standing next to his wife in a crowd and some male stranger turned to speak loudly and angrily toward her, the husband would instantly rise in rage to her defense. Adrenaline would rush through his blood, his muscles would tighten and his first impulse would be to rearrange the aggressor's face.

No self-respecting man would stand by and let anyone treat his wife with disrespect. He would take swift action to defend her.

Related to this physical protection is another aspect of a man's protectiveness, one that fathers today often fail to understand. A man permits no one to threaten or upset his wife -- and this includes their own children.

A hugely important part of a father's job is to defend his wife against their children's rudeness, insolent disobedience and impulsive aggression. This protection counts most to his wife when the children are small -- under 7 years of age -- and later when they enter adolescence. A man will permit no one to disrespect his wife, including -- and even especially -- at home.

A man also defends his family through what he earns in his work. That is, he doesn't just provide for his family; he protects them from poverty. He shelters them, takes care of their needs for a roof, food and clothing. While Dad has a job, the family feels secure. Even in a two-income home, it seems, children sense that Dad is the main provider, and therefore the family's main protector.

Moreover, he protects his children from forces that threaten them here and now: drugs, bullies, criminals, unjust aggressors of all types and potential disasters arising from their inexperience and impulsive mistakes -- such as dashing out into traffic or playing with matches.

Peace, it is said, is the condition we enjoy when other people just leave us alone. Throughout history, the father of a family would protectively stand in the doorway of his home and say, as it were, to the whole world: "Leave us alone. Leave my family alone."

For instance, if a father glanced out his living room window and spotted a male stranger chatting with his small daughter, coyly beckoning to her, he would swiftly lunge into defensive action. He'd race out the door, stride aggressively toward the stranger, then confront the man and demand to know what he wanted. With muscles taut, he would stand between his daughter and this potential aggressor, physically shielding her from harm.

Another example: When his teen-age daughter is being picked up for a date, a father goes out of his way to size up the young man she's going out with. He wants to meet him -- insists on meeting him -- to look him in the eye and intuitively size up his intentions and his worth. A father senses a duty to assess any young male who approaches his daughter. An unspoken message seems to pass between them: "She's my daughter. Treat her nicely, kid, or else ..."

But most of all -- and this is crucially important -- a father protects his children by strengthening their judgment and will so they can later protect themselves. In the lives of his children, he asserts loving leadership toward responsible, competent adulthood.

It is a father's mission -- the challenge that brings out the best in him -- to form in his children the powers and attitudes they will need to succeed in life, to strengthen them so they in turn can later protect themselves and their own loved ones.

So, in his children's eyes a great father is a lifelong leader and teacher. His protective, empowering lessons about right and wrong live on in the inner lives of his children, long after they've left home for good, and indeed long after he has passed to his eternal reward. A great father never stops being a father, for he lives on as a great man in the hearts of his children.

More at Zenit News Agency

** Illustration: The Muscleman (1939), by Norman Rockwell

Warm hands, warm hearts

2006-01-02T16:37:00.000+08:00

Andrea's little daughters donning their lola's (grandmother's) homemade Christmas present!

From A peek inside the fishbowl

Time and tide

2006-01-02T16:30:00.000+08:00

When I met them, Jake and Myrtle were both in their 80s and closing in on 60 years of marriage. 60 years! I hardly knew anyone who'd been alive for six decades, much less married for that long. I kept staring at them, studying them like they were a museum exhibit. Look. They keep smiling. Wait, now they're holding hands.... She just brought him some tea.... He's helping her down the steps. I'm sure I made them nervous with my psychopathic ogling.

The two met and married in the late 1920s. As the story goes, Jake was hanging out downtown with his best friend when Myrtle passed by on the other side of the street. "I sure would like to meet that girl," Jake wished out loud to his friend. "I think I can arrange that," said his friend. "She's my sister."

* * * * *

"It's a great adventure!" their lives said to me. "Strap on that life vest, hang on and paddle hard! Go for it!" That's what I needed. They provided for me a vision of marriage, a good marriage that handled whatever life threw at them, and thrived — all the way through to the end.

By then my wife [Alfie] and I were a few years into our marriage, doing our best to manage the unpredictable currents of young couple-hood, banging off rocks and getting stuck in low water and shooting thrilling rapids. Whenever our paddling was out of sync and the water would splash over the nose of the boat and douse our faces, I'd look up ahead, beyond the roaring whitewater, and see Jake and Myrtle, holding hands and cheering us on, assuring me that a little water in the boat is OK. Just bail it out, make adjustments and keep going.

Twelve years later, with each new bend in the river, Alfie and I keep learning to better navigate the waters and row in unison (which says more about her than me, because if I were paddling with me I'd want to turn around and whack me in the head with an oar).

Paddling after Jake and Myrtle
By John Thomas

Expecting more than a baby

2005-12-30T10:08:00.000+08:00

Two women. Each anticipating an eagerly awaited baby. One hospital room. No, they didn't give birth together but merely shared a room for a few days for some pre-natal procedures and struck up a friendship along the way.

...I found myself laid up in the hospital with premature contractions, expecting kid number two. Kid number one had arrived in the seventh month, and the doctors were just a wee bit nervous about the outcome of this one.

My roommate was a woman who had been through the long struggle of infertility, and now that she was finally full with new life, the doctors weren't taking any chances.

We struck up a fast and tender friendship, as these situations often lend themselves to doing. We were at exactly the same stage of the game. We lay there together each morning, strapped with monitor belts, listening to the steady "thump, thump" of our unborn children. We fell in love with the signs of life within us. There was a palpable sense that there were four of us in that room.

Read this touching story.

Coming to Terms
By Yael Mermelstein

What one of 17 siblings says

2005-12-30T09:43:00.000+08:00

"I talk to my friends and they are worried their family has only one child or two. They go home to nothing. I come home from school and I'm never bored. You always have something to do."

That's 18-year-old Dimitry talking, whose parents Vladimir and Zynaida Chernenko welcomed their 17th child early this month. In the Chernenko household, it's love and a big heart that overcome the sometimes daunting task of raising a big family.

I can't help but recall a remark made by a friend of mine who belongs to a family of 8 (or is it 9?). She and I were talking about growing up in a big family (I'm the youngest of a brood of 7) and she was relating experiences from childhood spent in her hometown of Bacolod (several hours south of Manila). "I always thought that the normal thing was for everybody to eat half a cheek of mango whenever there were mangoes around, because that was the way in our family," she recounts matter-of-factly.

We both laughed after she said it, amused at those innocent assumptions that children normally have. But we did agree that growing up with brothers and sisters around provided so many opportunities to learn and acquire the habit of sharing. When you don't have the luxury of having the bathroom, the TV, the telephone, the space (and the mangoes) all to yourself, and instead are taught to share and consider others in the household, it's easier to understand that the world doesn't revolve around you and your concerns. Learning to adjust (sans grudges -- or with less of them!) to other people's needs, not to mention learning to use the bathroom faster, are also among the rewards of growing up in a big family especially when parents foster the "love and a big heart" atmosphere that the Chernenko family mentioned back there.

Anyway, here's the full story about Mr. and Mrs. Chernenko and their welcoming their newest addition to the family:

Couple with 17 children says love conquers fear

A Ukrainian-American family that welcomed its 17th child on December 7 may be the largest in the USA, says the Russian language paper, The Speaker. Vladimir and Zynaida Chernenko emigrated from the Ukraine seven years ago and settled in California. The Christian couple admit that the work and financial difficulties of raising their large family can be daunting. But they overcome fear with "love and a big heart", says Vladimir, a security and maintenance worker for a charter school.

The Chernenko's eldest child is now 22, and the older ones share responsibility for the younger ones. Says 18-year-old Dimitry, "I talk to my friends and they are worried their family has only one child or two. They go home to nothing. I come home from school and I'm never bored. You always have something to do." The parents plan it that way. "Our goal is to raise the children so when they grow up they will not be afraid of anything in life," Zynaida says. "I think if every family approaches it that way, we will have a very healthy society." ~ Yahoo News, Dec 16

* * * * *

P.S. Got this via an email from my friend Gladys just now and had to put it in...

"When a mother of a big brood was asked how she manages to divide  her love 
among her little ones, she replied with a sparkle in her eye,  'I don't divide my 
love, I multiply it.' "

Mmm...

2005-12-27T20:05:00.000+08:00

The dessert that saved my marriage
By John Dreyer

A postscript to 'Stille Nacht'

2005-12-27T15:44:00.000+08:00

A week before Christmas Day, I posted the original German lyrics of 'Silent Night' along with historical tidbits about the carol, courtesy of Wikipedia. Little did I know that an email I was to delete sans opening several days later would contain a more personalized account -- penned by Fr. Bernard Heffernan -- of how the famous song came to be:

For 22 years I looked after the spiritual needs of senior citizen homes. Volunteers helped. Among them was Anna Cairnduf, a lady who hails from a mountain town in Austria. She's the grand niece of Father Joseph Mohr, the writer of the Christmas carol "Silent Night" which for a long time was ignored. Why?

Great music is expected from great cities and great Cathedrals but hardly from a poor, cold, drafty little mountain church, where a few days before Christmas in 1818, a hungry mouse chewed through the bellows of the old organ, silencing it. Oh no! No music for Christmas.

Read the story in full at LifeSite

Christmas babies

2005-12-27T14:42:00.000+08:00

When a child is born
By Kelly Crane, Staff Reporter

Christmas Day was made extra special for three Dubai families as they were each handed their little bundles of joy.

The overjoyed new mums and dads all said they couldn't have asked for a better Christmas present.

Full story at GulfNews

2005-12-24T09:26:00.000+08:00

Wishing you all and your families a peaceful and blessed Christmas, blanketed with the love of the Baby in the manger

Putting the light back into the festivities

2005-12-24T09:23:00.000+08:00

Here's something to put some focus in our celebration of the season, which I got from Feminine Genius --

Counsel from the Holy Father:

Christmas reminds us of this inner, divine light which announces again the final victory of the love of God over sin and death. For this reason, in the current Novena of Holy Christmas, there are many, significant references to light.

The Saviour people were waiting for is greeted as the ‘Rising Star’, the one that points the way, the one that leads men away from wondering in darkness and in the dangers of the world towards the Salvation God promised and Jesus Christ fulfilled.

Let us get ready to joyfully celebrate the Saviour’s birth in our families and ecclesial communities. Although in our modern, consumer-oriented culture Christian symbols have tended to disappear from Christmas celebrations, let everyone hold fast to the meaning of Christmas traditions, legacy our faith and culture, and pass them on to the next generation.

As we look at our streets and squares decorated with flashing lights, let us remember another light, invisible to the eye but not the heart.

As we admire them, as we light candles in the churches, as we turn on the lights of the crèche or the Christmas tree in our houses, let our souls open to the true spiritual light brought to all men of good will.

The Nativity in ink

2005-12-24T09:13:00.000+08:00

By artist He Qi, from China
Ink and color paper

Asian Christian Art Association

When 'thank you' is engraved in the heart

2005-12-21T22:21:00.000+08:00

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.
It turns what we have into enough, and more...
It can turn a meal into a feast,
a house into a home,
a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past,
brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow.

- Melody Beattie

The 'Belen'

2005-12-21T21:08:00.000+08:00

The tradition of having a nativity scene or "crèche" was made popular by St. Francis of Assisi. It is a reproduction of the cave in Bethlehem with Mary, Joseph, the infant Jesus in a manger, shepherds, angels, and animals. Each night during Advent, children are encouraged to place in the manger one piece of straw for each good deed done that day by a family member. This Advent tradition combines the spirit of conversion and the coming of Jesus.

Many of us (especially those from the Philippines) grew up accustomed to the sight of the Nativity scene -- or what we often call the "Belen" -- during Christmastime. We had a simple one at home, and it was a staple in every parish as well. Shopping malls usually had more elaborate Nativity sets, and walking along Ayala Avenue, around Ortigas Center or any financial district would let one set eyes on creatively fashioned scenes depicting that now familiar night in Bethlehem, on building facades, rooftops, lobbies, drop-off points. In researching about the Belen, I discovered quite a few things and many different renditions of the Nativity. Talented artists are aplenty indeed!

This is where you'll get some interesting general tidbits on history and the significance of other symbols of the season such as Christmas lights, the tree, the candle, window lights, holly and the delightful poinsettia.

This website called Spanish Nativity is a gem, for it opened my eyes to the whole new world of creches and the fact that there are associations of Belen makers from Spain and other nations! Today also I learned that "Belen" actually means "Bethlehem" -- from this site as well (my mother was hardly surprised as I reported to her this new thing I learned today; I guess "Belen" meaning "Bethlehem" is common knowledge to other people but me). Anyway, check out the site if only to enjoy the pictures. Needless to say, Spain's Nativity sets are not like the ones I'm used to.

While you're at it, you might as well pass by Hans Gruener's website which, besides featuring more Nativity scenes of different styles, gives you some brief and wonderful messages about the season, accompanying each photo.

Car still there -- with diamond ring

2005-12-21T17:30:00.000+08:00

Broken-hearted donor leaves diamond ring in car
Fri Dec 16,10:44 AM ET

BOSTON (Reuters) - Are diamonds really forever?

An anonymous gift-giver left a $15,000 diamond engagement ring to the owner of an unlocked car in western Massachusetts with a typed note hinting at a broken heart.

"Merry Christmas. Thank you for leaving your car door unlocked. Instead of stealing your car I gave you a present. Hopefully this will land in the hands of someone you love, for my love is gone now. Merry Christmas to you," the note said.

The three-diamond ring with a white-gold band appeared on the seat of the man's car at a train station in Westborough, about 30 miles west of Boston, on December 7, police said. Four days later, the man reported it to police.

"This appears to be random," said Westborough Police Lt. Paul Donnelly. "I think there was a search for a car that was unlocked."

The 37-year-old man decided to keep the ring after a jeweler appraised its value at $15,000, police said.

Stille nacht, heilige nacht

2005-12-18T13:24:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite movies about Christmas is the one that has been shown on the Hallmark channel several times. It tells of the story about a mother, her little son and a bleak Christmas in their little cabin in Germany during World War 2. It's called "Silent Night" and none of the cast except Linda Hamilton are familiar to me, but the movie remains unforgettable.

Silent Night, however, is better known as a traditional Christmas carol. The original lyrics of the song Stille Nacht were written in German by Josef Mohr and the melody was composed by the Austrian headmaster Franz X. Gruber. The version of the melody that is generally sung today differs slightly (particularly in the final strain) from Gruber's original.

It is believed that the carol has been translated into over 300 languages around the world, and it is one of the most popular carols of all time. It is often sung without musical accompaniment. It is given special significance in the Lutheran Church.

The carol was first performed in the Nicola-Kirche (Church of St. Nicholas) in Oberndorf, Austria on December 25, 1818. Mohr had composed the words much earlier, in 1816, but on Christmas Eve brought them to Gruber and asked him to compose a guitar accompaniment for them. The reason for this is unclear — perhaps Mohr simply wanted a new carol for the Midnight Mass, but tradition has it that the organ at the Nicola-Kirche was not working that night (a popular version of the story claims that mice had eaten out the bellows).

If you'd like to read the rest, it's at Wikipedia

The photo above is from MercatorNet, which features an extensive and entertaining article on Christmas carols, Hark, the age-old carols sing.

* * * * *

Think you can sing this classic Christmas carol in German?

Original German lyrics:

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht!

Alles schläft, einsam wacht

Nur das traute hochheilige Paar.

Holder Knabe im lockigen Haar,

Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh,

Schlaf in himmlischer Ruh

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,

Hirten erst kundgemacht

Durch der Engel Hallelujah,

Tönt es laut von fern und nah,

Christ, der Retter ist da,

Christ, der Retter ist da!

Stille Nacht, heilige Nacht,; Gottes Sohn, o wie lacht; Lieb aus Deinem göttlichen Mund,; Da uns schlägt die rettende Stund,; Christ, in Deiner Geburt,; Christ, in Deiner Geburt!

English lyrics:

Silent night Holy night

All is calm all is bright

'Round yon virgin Mother and Child

Holy infant so tender and mild

Sleep in heavenly peace

Silent night, holy night,

Shepherds quake at the sight.

Glories stream from heaven afar,

Heav'nly hosts sing Alleluia;

Christ the Savior is born;

Christ the Savior is born.

Silent night, holy night,

Son of God, love's pure light.

Radiant beams from Thy holy face,

With the dawn of redeeming grace,

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth;

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth.

When your gadgets get in the way

2005-12-18T09:44:00.000+08:00

In the stress-management classes Debbie Mandel teaches, parents often tell her about their struggles to combine work and home. Ranking high on their list of challenges is the cellphone.

A study in the December issue of the Journal of Marriage and Family finds that cellphones and pagers interfere with family life by bringing job worries and problems home. Interviews with working couples - many with children - revealed that cellphone use tends to decrease family satisfaction and increase distress. "People felt they couldn't turn them off," says Noelle Chesley, a sociologist at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee, who conducted the study. "I couldn't find evidence of benefits."

One mother in her stress-management class boasted that her cellphone enabled her to attend all of her daughter's school activities. "I don't miss anything," she told the group. "Yes, you do," Mandel countered, explaining that when the woman went on a hay ride with her daughter and other children, she spent the whole time on the phone. "Her body was present, but she wasn't there emotionally," Mandel says. "That sends a very ambivalent statement to a child. Sometimes it's better not to be there. To be on the phone with business is ignoring the child."

Sentenced to a cell(phone)
By Marilyn Gardner

Decorating as a family affair

2005-12-18T00:24:00.000+08:00

Our Christmas tree is up; all our Christmas decorations have been in place since late November. So I'll give the home-made decor ideas (like the one in the picture) a try next year.

I was over at A peek inside the fishbowl and saw Andrea's wonderful ornaments which she fashioned together with her family. The paper chain with the red and green links you see in the pic was a family project, according to her, which everybody is mighty proud of! You can also have your kids make their own tree ornaments, finished off with a nice photo of them, like what one of Andrea's daughters did.

She's got lots of creative ideas on fun (and inexpensive) decorating. Check out this post and this other one to see what I mean.

When the whole family is involved in putting the Christmas spirit around the home via decorations, people get more into the season in some way. And, there's more of a sense of belonging that everyone in the family can take comfort in.

'Tell me a story'

2005-12-17T23:28:00.000+08:00

The best gift to share: a story
By Marilyn Gardner

"Tell me a story" ranks as one of the oldest, most primal requests, filled with hope and eager anticipation. Stories serve as connectors. Whether profound or trivial, poignant or silly, they draw listeners together, uniting them, however briefly.

And few stories bring people together like those told during Christmas. Of course, the most wondrous of all narratives, central to the holiday, is the biblical account of a baby born in a manger in Bethlehem.

* * * * *

A third kind of holiday story remains invisible to the outside world, but central to family life. It features homespun tales recalling previous Christmases. Passed from grandparents and parents to children, these stories involve everything from traditions to feasts to gifts and acts of kindness, given or received.

Taken singly, such anecdotes could appear to be simply an exercise in nostalgia. But collectively, they form a patchwork of memories that open windows onto cultures, customs, and family ties.

A friend's mother sometimes told her family about being a child in wartime England. Because goods were rationed, she received only fruit and nuts for Christmas. Today, when her extended family gathers for a bountiful celebration at her New Jersey home, the stockings still contain only fruit and nuts - humbling reminders of leaner times from long ago.

Read the full story at the Christian Science Monitor

Beyond holiday ho-ho-ho

2005-12-15T16:05:00.000+08:00

In their book, Saving Childhood, Michael and Diane Medved talk about why traditions are so important: "Rituals offer more than just warm memories. Special behaviors give your family its identity, and assure your children a comforting place" (208). Traditions initiated and repeated with the ones we love have a way of making us feel like we belong to something special. As critical as that is when we're young, it's no less important when we grow up.

Read more (and get more ideas) at Boundless webzine

Of wreaths and poinsettias

2005-12-15T15:57:00.000+08:00

Less than two weeks to go before Christmas Day and you're probably immersed in work, which normally piles up during this time of the year. Well, in the next couple of weeks there will be more things to do, including preparations for get-togethers, gift-giving, out-of-town trips (if these are among your holiday traditions) etc.

Don't let the season pass by like a typhoon, leaving you reeling and exhausted without even taking a minute or two to ponder what it's all about. Hopefully, this post will help you weave in the significance of Christmas into your days as you go about business as usual throughout the rest of the month. I plan to post a couple more Christmas-related tidbits in the next week to keep up with the season.

Though we're on the third week of Advent already (the Advent season this year started Nov. 27), it's not too late to try to know more about it. We have our own advent wreath at home but to me it's been acquiring more than mere decor status as I learned more about the significance of the season.

The word Advent is from the Latin adventus for "coming" and is associated with the four weeks of preparation for Christmas. Advent always contains four Sundays, beginning on the Sunday nearest the feast of St. Andrew the Apostle, (November 30) and continuing until December 24. It blends together a penitential spirit, very similar to Lent, and a joyful theme of getting ready for the Bethlehem event.

The traditional color of Advent is purple or violet which symbolizes the penitential spirit.

Customarily the Advent Wreath is constructed of a circle of evergreen branches into which are inserted four candles. According to tradition, three of the candles are violet and the fourth is rose. However, four violet or white candles may also be used.

The rose candle is lit the third Sunday of Advent, for this color anticipates and symbolizes joy.

And here's a tidbit on the poinsettia...

Poinsettias are associated with Christmas as the lily is with Easter. In Mexico it blooms at Christmas time and is called the "Flower of the Holy Night." Its name is from the first U.S. ambassador to Mexico, Dr. Joel Poinsett.

Strollers and salads

2005-12-13T10:33:00.000+08:00

Everybody needs some Kidwarmers now and then...

Kailey, 3, has been blessed with a new baby sister. Kailey has been a little jealous of her new sister. One day their mother took the baby for a ride in the stroller. The baby decided she didn't like being in the stroller and she started screaming to be picked up. Kailey asked if she could ride in the stroller, because she liked it. Her mother said, "Where would we put the baby?" Kailey's response: "Put her back in your tummy!" -- Judy McKnight (grandmother of Kailey and newborn Kaitlyn) of Germantown, Maryland

* * * * *

One evening, when Kelly was about 2, she kept pointing at the salad her mother had made and said, "More cute numbers, Mama, more cute numbers!" She was referring to the cucumbers. Kelly is now a 20-year-old college student and she still loves salad with "cute numbers"! -- Andrea (mother of Kelly) of Pennsylvania

From Kidwarmers (it's the one with the sky-blue background)

Love, affection, and your daughter's outfit

2005-12-13T10:20:00.000+08:00

There's a great piece by psychologist Patricia Dalton that'll certainly provide reassurance to many parents of teenagers (and of younger children as there's no way they're skipping their teen years). I came across this article as well as references to it in quite a few sites and blogs, which isn't surprising since it's got many eye-opening findings and helpful recommendations.

The girls who dress the most outrageously are often those most starved for adult male attention, first and foremost from their fathers. This happens most commonly with girls whose fathers have disappeared from their lives, perhaps following a divorce, or because their workaholic schedules leave them little time for their children. Children who are raised with attention and affection tend to identify with and admire their parents. This identification is the basis for both discipline and the transmission of values. Without it, parents can't do their job.

I often recommend that fathers be the parent to take the lead in setting limits on their daughters' dress, because opposite sex offspring typically cut that parent more slack. Fathers can say, "Honey, you can't wear that. I know teenage boys -- I was one!" A dad like this is looking out for his daughter and treating her as someone special.

You can stop right here and check out the piece at The Washington Post. Or, you can scroll down further for another, more forthright excerpt from the same article...

Another even bigger problem I see is indecision: Parents lack confidence in their instincts and in their judgment. Previous generations had no trouble making hard and fast rules. Parents in those days looked like and conducted themselves as adults and role models; kids and teenagers wanted to grow up and get the perks of adult life as soon as possible. Therapists see the inverse today. There are lots of parents who are uncomfortable with their grownup role and want to be young again; their kids don't want to grow up, or wish to postpone it as long as possible.

I've polled a number of therapist colleagues, and virtually everyone agreed: We almost never see autocratic, dictatorial parents today; it is far more common to see parents who have relinquished power, and kids who have assumed it. Which makes for very unhappy young people. They are petulant and angry; they lack respect for their parents because their parents haven't inspired respect through real leadership.

Nothing beats reading the whole article to see the entire context; besides, some popular culture tidbits from history put the author's assertions in the proper perspective. On a personal note, one thing I found quite succinct and which may help in talking to young people about appreciating modesty and love for oneself is this response to a query titled "Need help for my niece" at Modestly Yours --

Two summers ago I listened to Lisa Bevere's 4-disc talk, "Purity's Power." In it she says the following: "If you want a prince, you need to act like a princess." I absolutely love this, and I think it might help you. The main argument here is centered on what type of men do women want to attract? Ms. Bevere draws an analogy to gift wrapping. Obviously, when you have a very special gift to give, you wrap it up neatly, beautifully, and with care. Well, our bodies are special gifts not only given to us, but also someday to be given to a spouse. How do you want to "wrap" yourself? A woman, and all that she is both body and soul, is beautiful and precious. Dressing modestly both reflects and respects this beauty and value.

Finally, to go back to my original thought, every girl is a princess. But if she wants to attract a prince -- somebody who sees the laughter in her eyes, the smile on her face, and who listens to what she has to say -- she needs to act like the princess that she is, otherwise how can he find her?

Art and soul

2005-12-10T22:47:00.001+08:00

I love representations of angels in artwork. I particularly fancy those that depict the angels as either brandishing swords or blowing into trumpets. Angels in courageous-looking stance are a great reminder of their being our valiant defenders against harm; and can any bad news follow the blowing of trumpets? It's always a piece of good news they deliver, as it was on that night of the first Christmas -- lucky shepherds for being the first to be told by heaven's messengers about the great news.

This angel illustration you see here is by an American artist named Claire Flint.

Happy weekend to all and I hope that amid the constant -- sometimes frenzied -- activity that the season is bringing as Christmas Day approaches, you are able to ponder on the meaning of Advent so as to bring significance into the season for you beyond the toys and tinsel.

A daddy and his little boy

2005-12-10T20:19:00.000+08:00

Talk about the rewards of hands-on fathering. Seen at Phil's blog, A family runs through it:

Early this morning I heard my son sneaking into my room and I immediately called out from under the covers, "Good morning!"

He replied, "Ahh, I was going to say that! How did you know?"

I told him, "You're my son. We have a mental connection."

"Oh, then what am I thinking right now?"

I guessed what he always has on his mind in the morning, "You want me to get up and fix you some breakfast."

His priceless reply: "No, I'm thinking how much I love my daddy."

The problem with an almost-perfect genetic world

2005-12-10T19:55:00.000+08:00

MIA PETERSON is not a fan of tests. Because she has Down syndrome, she says, she cannot always think as fast as she would like to and tests end up making her feel judged. A recent driving test, for instance, ended in frustration. Ms. Peterson, 31, the chief of self-advocacy for the National Down Syndrome Society, prefers public speaking and travel. And her test aversion extends to the latest one designed to detect Down in a fetus. "I don't want to think like we're being judged against," Ms. Peterson said. "Not meeting their expectations."

That's the beginning of the article; now here are other excerpts, quotes from other people with disabilities or parents of those with disabilities:

"We're trying to make a place for ourselves in society at a time when science is trying to remove at least some of us," said Andrew Imparato, president of the American Association of People With Disabilities, who suffers from bipolar disorder. "For me, it's very scary."

* * * * *

Mr. Bérubé, whose 14-year-old son has Down syndrome, worries that if fewer children are born with the condition, hard-won advances like including them in mainstream schools may lose support. "The more people who think the condition is grounds for termination of a pregnancy, the more likely it will be that you'll wind up with a society that doesn't welcome those people once they're here," he said. "It turns into a vicious cycle."

* * * * *

"It's so complicated," said Ms. Hedley, president of the Children of Difference Foundation. "Would I choose to have my child have a disability? Oh my goodness, no. It's difficult for her. It's difficult for everyone. But difference is what makes the world go round." (Ms. Hedley's 10-year-old daughter has dwarfism)

All this makes me wonder, is anyone of us born without a defect?

Full story at The New York Times

More than mere partnership

2005-12-09T16:53:00.000+08:00

Do you ever feel like there's so much good news around that you may just burst with elation? I do, but now is not one of those times! A lot of news makes it to my inbox, but lately I've noticed from the titles alone that good news is hard to come by these days -- especially if one is not looking really hard.

So, when I chanced upon this title --

"Research continues to uphold the value of marriage"

my eyes lit up and excitedly skimmed the article. I'll admit that I've yet to read it in full, but I'm pretty confident that it's got contents worth knowing about and which would definitely reinforce the reality that marriage -- no matter how many couples fail at it, choose not to recognize it or insist on redefining it -- is there for a reason and it is worth defending. We just have to want to understand it more. This caught my eye:

“Marriage is the one family relationship that we can freely choose. But it takes wisdom to make a right choice, and skill to make a successful marriage."

This, too:

“Data from the left and the right show that healthy mother-and-father families are far less likely to be in poverty than single-parent families. The strong bonds of an intact family are like an inoculation against the disease of poverty. Why wouldn’t we do our best to see every child get that protection?”

The funding proposed in the Healthy Marriage Initiative will go toward marriage and relationship education, through:

training programs for married couples;

divorce-reduction programs;

marriage-mentoring programs;

Thank you, Stan Berenstain

2005-12-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

He and his wife came up with books that taught kids what too much junk food could do, why the dark isn't really something bad, and how not to be scared of the dentist. And that's just a wee part of it. I remember learning the words "lever" and "scythe" from my copy of The Berenstain Bears' Science Fair.

Stan Berenstain, children's book author, dies at 82

PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Stan Berenstain, who with his wife created the popular "Berenstain Bears" children's books, died on Saturday.

He was 82 and lived in Bucks County. He died in Pennsylvania on Saturday, said Audra Boltion, a spokeswoman for HarperCollins Children's Books in New York.

In more than 200 books, the Berenstain Bears, written and illustrated by Stan and Jan Berenstain, helped children for 40 years cope with trips to the dentist, eating junk food and cleaning their messy rooms.

Full story at USA Today

What do you tell an 18-year-old?

2005-12-05T21:04:00.000+08:00

Tammy was born and raised in the United States, the eldest of a brood of four girls. Her Filipino parents have adjusted to the culture, having stayed in America for almost 20 years now; having their children grow up amid norms and values that are considerably different from the ones they (the parents) were inculcated with, has posed quite a challenge, though. Filipino parents who raise their families on foreign shores are well-acquainted with this challenge.

Tammy graduated from high school a few months ago and a party was thrown to mark the occasion, which she shared with her closest friends and those of her family as well. For the party, her aunt wrote a little speech (well, not so little) as requested by Tammy's mom, and the speech was read aloud during the festivities. I wish someone had written a speech like this for me when I graduated from high school! I would've taken more decisive steps in my journey, made more informed choices, and savored each stage along the way.

Here's the speech, delving on three crucial main points. It's a bit long but well worth the read.

FOR TAMMY AND HER FRIENDS

Do you know what an S-U-M-P-I-T (spelled out) is? That’s ‘sumpit’ (pronounced ‘soom pete’), a makeshift weapon, much used in my classroom some years back. A weapon? In the classroom? – you may ask. It’s like this …

When I was but a high school teeny bopper, we just loved playing tricks on our teachers (Over the years, not much seems to have changed.). We enjoyed that, either because the teacher was so ‘game’ and approachable, or he or she was cranky or plain boring. One of my more daring classmates would then get his ‘sumpit’ ready. He’d hold his empty BIC ballpoint pen tube, take one from the ready supply of small seeds (that served as pellets) from his pocket or pencil case, and inserted the seed into the tube. When the right moment came, that is, when the victim was facing the chalkboard, he’d hold his ‘sumpit’ up to his mouth, and with the wider opening next to his lips, aim at the clueless figure, and blow! Then out would go the pellet and … BULL’S EYE! The startled teacher would turn his back to the chalkboard and, often enough, would see 25 equally guilty faces or equally innocent ones …

One’s high school years are usually punctuated with mischief – some deeds graver than others. Whether it is with fondness and laughter that you recall an incident, or remembering it makes you blush or nearly faint with embarrassment, consider one thing: Mischief is reasonably seen as connected with immaturity. You would not want to stay in that ‘sumpit’ stage.

In connection with this, allow me to share with you three ideas and accompanying pieces of advice.

First, after high school graduation, time flies even more quickly. Learn to savor the moments with those you love and care about. College may pull you out of the home. Make sure you regularly visit your family, and that your time with your parents and siblings is always well-spent … You have friends in one another. College life will provide you with opportunities for even more. The next few years are extremely demanding academic years. Learn to be true friends to your friends. In this way, the needed moral support will be there to make things work. Remember: Time will begin to fly more quickly.

Second, at 18, it is quite common not to know for certain what career you’d like to pursue. THINK: What do I seem to really want? NOT: What do Mom and Dad want for me? I do not intend to look down on what your parents have to say. After all, it is they who saw you grow up. They are witnesses to your strengths and limitations. To a large extent, they are aware of your interests and aptitudes. And most importantly, what they want is what is best for you. Better said – what they think is best for you. You should consider their advice as extremely invaluable. But ultimately, what should matter the most is what YOU want. A word of caution here, though -- Don’t commit the mistake committed often enough – basing one’s decision on what appears to be or not to be lucrative. For many people, what comes out most lucrative is what they REALLY enjoy doing. The passion for their occupation results in competence, initiative and creativity, and their work ends up excellent and well rewarded! After all, isn’t there immeasurable value in work well-done?

Now to the third and final point -- you will discover a higher level of freedom. I don’t mean license to do whatever you feel like doing. I mean your realizing that you have a GREAT capacity to see what is good for you – not just apparently good, but truly good – and to behave accordingly. Never lose sight of the fact that every act of yours has consequences. For example, choosing to eat twenty cups of your favorite ice cream flavor one after another could send you to the bathroom all night. Or deciding to stay in the dorm and study, and not to go out with friends during final exams week, could mean your passing the course instead of having to repeat it. Taking the road to maturity entails learning to use your freedom with a sense of responsibility. Reflect. There is much to gain from doing that. At the same time, learn to seek advice from people who will help you make sound decisions and catch you when you fall. Do not be so proud as to think you can always manage on your own. For me, that has been the greatest challenge. I urge you to squarely face that challenge! I am confident you are prepared to do that.

Since this is getting quite long, I think I’d better wrap it up. Tammy, time has really gone by very quickly. February 4, 1987 seems like yesterday. Since then, I am sure you have had to hurdle countless things -- some successfully, others, not. Let your experience of those successes spur you on to try even harder. Many good things await you. Identify them well and go for them! Prayers of those who love you are going your way! A big hug to you!

To you, Tammy, and your classmates, a BIG, FAT CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Raising kids to become delinquents

2005-12-05T20:20:00.000+08:00

I sure hope you're reading this out of mere curiosity!

Just as one effective way of teaching kids what they are, is by showing them what they're not, sometimes it's reading about the "backwards version" of raising happy, responsible kids that makes things clearer.

Check out Twelve Rules for Raising Delinquent Children at Ukok's place.

P.S. If I'm not mistaken, this list was drawn up by a police officer (or was it the police chief?) in the Chicago area. That's what I remember reading in the book my mother lent me once.

We, our parents

2005-12-05T20:17:00.000+08:00

"They say that we are better educated than our parents' generation. What they mean is that we go to school longer. It is not the same thing."

- Richard Yates (1926-1992), American novelist

Chitchats with preschoolers

2005-12-02T10:27:00.000+08:00

A post from Wonder Mom's blog:

Overheard at Bathtime

Ben, my 5 year old: "We have to take a bath. It's mama's birthday tomorrow and we have to look nice!"

* * * * *

The cute little Spider-boy in the photo is actually not Ben, but John -- Ben's younger brother (presumably the one he was talking to in the bathtime chitchat). Then there's Wonder Mom carrying Ava, the youngest addition to the family.

Children can say really amusing (and often endearing) things which show that they truly are children! More in this post at Wonder Mom's blog.

For all who have never climbed a tree

2005-12-01T18:52:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if snails of that variety which was aplenty in our backyard in the 1970s have become extinct. Gazing at those creatures as they made their leisurely way across the concrete path was a regular pastime as a kid. Where, too, have the beetles gone? One shake of the African oil palm in our garden used to bring at least half a dozen of them tumbling to the ground.

Gone, too, is the guava tree from whose branches I admired the aerial view of our wee garden (if you can call 7 feet off the ground "aerial").

Those were the days of play -- always outdoors, in the company of creepy crawlers, winged creatures, trees, grass, open air, open space. Today's generation grows up with electronic playthings and indoor games, which is not always a positive thing. As this article stated, "nature has become an abstraction, the stuff of PBS specials rather than daily life."

A 'very ugly puppy'

2005-12-01T18:40:00.000+08:00

There was a family whose dog gave birth to 12 puppies. They ran an ad in the newspaper when the puppies were old enough to be given away. The ad said, “Free to a good home. Adorable puppies.”

After several weeks, only a few of the puppies had been given away. So, they tried a different tactic. They ran a second ad which said, “Free to a good home. One very ugly puppy and eight pretty ones.”

In two days, they gave away the ugly puppy nine times.

Have you noticed that the world is full of caring people, always ready to assist the underdog? When we view people as naturally helpful, they often live up to our expectations.

Anticipation

2005-11-28T10:59:00.001+08:00

This work of art is by an Estonian artist named Ain Vares. It's called "Angel Proclaims the Good News" -- yet another rendition of that night when shepherds were told by an angel of the birth of the promised Redeemer.

That the birth took place in the simplest of circumstances -- no fanfare, no elegant or even comfortable accommodations, probably not even a pillow for the baby or the mother -- is noteworthy. Save for some people who were aware of and kept the prophecies at heart, the birth passed unnoticed. Needless to say, there was no "advent season" back then to remind people that the arrival of the awaited Redeemer was close at hand.

Advent is essentially the time of preparation for Christmas Day. What kind of preparation? Well, much like what happens when, say, you've decided on an out-of-town trip and it's about a month before departure time ... or you're in the thick of preparations for a wedding ... or maybe you and your friends are looking forward to a party or some other kind of get-together. It's about getting ready for whatever's needed for the trip, the wedding, the party. Most importantly, it's the anticipation that comes with it as the date of the event approaches; also, the hope that things will turn out great.

Advent, then, is the time for getting ready for a meaningful celebration of the day when a most important figure was born, the emphasis being on interior preparation. Let's put it this way: when you know that an important guest is arriving at your house, don't you do a bit of dusting, get rid of clutter, fluff up throw pillows and probably make a mental note of what's in your refrigerator that you can offer? Spending the four weeks of Advent is somewhat like that -- "cleaning house" and decorating a little to be able not only to receive the Guest well, but to appreciate his coming.

Advent could also be the time to know more about the Guest whose arrival is of particular significance. Knowing and understanding what makes him a not-so-ordinary figure is, I think, the only thing that would enable us to make meaningful preparations for his arrival -- as well as to experience the deep joy that accompanies the season.

Toothless grin

2005-11-28T10:40:00.000+08:00

I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided to
look at Barbie dolls for my nieces.

A nicely-dressed little girl was excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well,
with a roll of money clamped tightly in her little hand. When she came upon a
Barbie she liked, she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money
to buy it.  He usually said "yes," but she would keep looking and keep going
through their ritual of "do I have enough?"

As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started sorting
through the Pokemon toys.

He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and
wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small.  He, too, had
money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so, at the
most.

He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the Pokemon video toys.  
Each time he picked one up and looked at his father, his father shook his
head, "no."

The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully-dressed,
glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the block.

However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the
little boy and his father.  Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the
video games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead.  He
and his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.

The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the Pokemon
games.  She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the other toys,
and raced toward the check-out, after speaking with her father.

I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them.

Then, much to the little girl's obvious delight, the little boy and his father got
in line behind me.

After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the
cashier and whispered something in her ear.  The cashier smiled and put the
package under the counter.

I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in my purse when the little
boy came up to the cashier.  The cashier rang up his purchases and then said,
"Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a prize!"

With that, she handed the little boy the Pokemon game, and he could only
stare in disbelief. It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted!

The little girl and her father had been standing at the doorway during all of
this, and I saw the biggest, prettiest, toothless grin on that little girl that I
have ever seen in my life.  Then they walked out the door, and I followed,
close behind them.

As I walked back to my car, in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I
heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that.  I'll never forget
what she said to him.

"Daddy, didn't Nana and PawPaw want me to buy something that would make
me happy?"

He said, "Of course they did, honey."

To which the little girl replied, "Well, I just did!"

With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Apparently, she
had decided on the answer to her own question of, "do I have enough?"

I feel very privileged to have witnessed the true spirit of Christmas in that toy
store, in the form of a little girl who understands more about the reason for
the season than most adults I know!

May God bless her and her parents, just as she blessed that little boy, and me,
that day!

      -- Sharon Palmer, Tennessee   

Source: Heartwarmers

'..to whom we owe so much'

2005-11-25T07:15:00.000+08:00

Have you hugged your lola (grandma) lately?

This isn't a tribute to grandmothers -- deserving though they are of our gratitude and caring -- but a little reminder about the deference and affection that elderly persons in general used to be shown more clearly. Failing eyesight and dependence on a walking cane don't diminish their worth as people; grumpiness and memory lapses go with the territory of aging -- which we all face at some point in our life.

Check this out:

As [President's Council on Bioethics chairman] Dr [Leon] Kass wrote in a column in the Washington Post: "Against our confidence in mastery and control, we need to remember that old age and dying are not problems to be solved but human experiences that must be faced. In the years ahead, we will be judged as a people by our willingness to stand by one another, not only in the rare event of a natural disaster but also in the everyday care of those who gave us life and to whom we owe so much."

It's the last paragraph of an article titled Who Cares? The crisis facing an aging society by Carolyn Moynihan at MercatorNet, and it drives home one of the crucial points that many of us may forget once in a while.

Have you hugged your lola (grandma) lately?

Pro-life message echoed in Canada

2005-11-25T07:06:00.000+08:00

Several weeks ago, I posted something here announcing the Nov. 17-19 National Pro-Life Conference, sponsored by Campaign Life Coalition and LifeCanada, held in Montreal.

The day before the conference, I read some news reports that problems concerning the venue had prompted organizers to scout around for a new place. And some participants were already en route from abroad! What a dilemma...

They did find another venue in the nick of time, and not only that -- more participants than originally expected turned up, enabling the pro-life message to echo farther. The affair was not without some interesting sidelights, that's for sure.

Here's a brief account of what transpired in Montreal during the 3-day affair.

Sticks & stones no more

2005-11-25T07:03:00.000+08:00

That's a picture taken somewhere in Palestine. And those three young men on the left are ordinary chaps -- except that they've taken a different route to voicing their resistance to what's going on in their country. More about them later...

If you've got either a TV, internet access or newspapers at home, chances are you and your family know about the constant conflict that people in Palestine and Israel experience. Almost everyday there's news of a bombing or a shooting incident...then images of the casualties, fatalities or succeeding funerals.

If young boys and girls (say, nephews, nieces or your own children) ask you why people over there keep hurting each other, you can say "not all people do that" with more conviction now. You can tell them something like "Some people know that violence is not the way to solve conflicts. Haven't you heard of rap music? " Yes, rap (there are ways to weave rap into a talk about protecting life, after all). That's what these three young men have been using in place of stone-throwing to battle the conflict going on in their homeland. Palestinian Rappers (the group) is not a new act and their presence is definitely good news. It looks like they at least have become more aware that life is precious and worth preserving, and that there are other, more constructive paths toward peace.

Know anything about Palestinian Rappers besides where the group hails from (I'm guessing the answer is "no") ?

Touch

2005-11-22T17:47:00.000+08:00

"A good photograph is one that communicates a fact, touches the heart and leaves the viewer a changed person for having seen it. It is, in a word, effective."

- Irving Penn, American photographer, named among "The World’s 10 Greatest Photographers" in an international poll conducted by Popular Photography magazine in 1958

** Photo: Denise Docherty at spaceraven.net

They're holding hands

2005-11-22T17:31:00.000+08:00

Baby Samuel had surgery as a tiny 21-week-old fetus. Why the surgery? Well, little Samuel needed it to correct spina bifida, a condition caused by the failure of the spine to close properly during development so that, at worst, the spinal cord protrudes. The resulting damage to the spinal cord can cause paralysis or weakness of the legs; bowel and bladder incontinence; and often results in fluid on the brain, which causes severe brain damage, learning disabilities, and retardation.

Dr. Joseph Bruner performed the in utero operation at Vanderbilt University (Tennessee, USA) in 1999.

In this picture -- taken by Michael Clancy and which was marvelled at around the world after it was published on USA Today -- you see the tiny hand of Baby Samuel during the delicate procedure, through a tiny slit in the womb. Dr. Bruner instinctively takes his hand.

I tried to look for updates on how Samuel is doing but the most recent information I found is of him at 3 years old. The Free Republic website even has a nice photo of him with his mom, Julie.

If you'd like to read about the amazing experience of Samuel's parents, Alex and Julie Armas, and/or know more details about the medical procedure, it's all here.

What a picture of serenity brings

2005-11-19T20:38:00.000+08:00

A baby will make
love stronger,
days shorter,
nights longer,
bankroll smaller,
home happier,
clothes shabbier,
the past forgotten,
and the future worth living for.

Hubby, daddy

2005-11-19T20:30:00.000+08:00

"The kind of man who thinks that helping with the dishes is beneath him will also think that helping with the baby is beneath him, and then he certainly is not going to be a very successful father."

- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962), American UN Diplomat, humanitarian and First Lady, wife of Franklin D. Roosevelt (32nd US President)

Marriage sans rose-colored glasses

2005-11-14T18:29:00.000+08:00

A few posts down you'll see something on the secrets of strong families -- a very short excerpt of a study on the common denominator of strong families. The introduction is so interesting I just had to put it here again:

Do strong families still exist? After 30 years as marriage and family counselors, we know that despite the average family’s ups and downs, the answer is yes. What puzzled us was why so much media attention focused on the down side of family life.

We decided that part of the problem might be a lack of information, and that a round of research – on family strengths – might help to correct the negative slant. We placed a brief notice in four dozen newspapers in 25 states. “If you live in a strong family, please contact us. We know a lot about what makes families fail; we need to know more about what makes them succeed.”

One thing I've been spending more time wondering about recently is why so much media attention is focused on the down side of married life. Newspapers and magazines are filled with stories of marriages gone awry; film plots and TV show storylines so often revolve around nagging and philandering spouses. And hardly do the stories show overcoming the hurdles of married life.

I'm sharing two stories about married life. They're not about perfect and problem-free relationships (there's no such thing, as most of us know); neither are they prettified accounts of marriage that has husband and wife traipsing three feet off the ground, clouds of mist billowing around them, in permanent wedded bliss.

The first is from the Heartwarmers site, while the second is something I got on email which, I assumed, was written by a man from somewhere in Asia (based on the names).

See for yourself.

Promises kept

2005-11-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

My father was not a sentimental man.

I don’t remember him ever ohhing or ahhing over something I made as a
child.  Don’t get me wrong, I knew that my Dad loved me, but getting
all mushy-eyed was not his thing.  I learned that he showed me he loved
me in other ways.

There was one particular moment when this became real to me.....

I always believed that my parents had a good marriage, but just before I,
the youngest of four children, turned 16, my belief was sorely tested.

My father who used to share in the chores around the house, gradually
started becoming despondent.  From the time he came home from his job
at the factory, to the time he went to bed, he hardly spoke a word to my
Mom or us kids.  The strain on my Mom and Dad’s relationship was very
evident. However, I was not prepared for the day that Mom sat my siblings
and me down and told us that Dad had decided to leave.

All that I could think of was that I was going to become a product of a
divorced family.  It was something I never thought possible and it grieved
me greatly.  I kept telling myself that it wasn't going to happen, and I
went totally numb when I knew my Dad was really leaving.  The night
before he left I stayed up in my room for a long time.  I prayed and I
cried -- and I wrote a long letter to my Dad.  I told him how much I
loved him and how much I would miss him.  I told him that I was praying
for him and wanted him to know that, no matter what, Jesus and I loved
him.  I told him that I would always and forever be his Krissie.... his
Noodles.

As I folded my note I stuck in a picture of me with a saying I had always
heard. “Anyone can be a father but it takes someone special to be called
a Daddy.”

Early, the next morning as my Dad left our house, I snuck out to the car
and slipped my letter into one of his bags.

Two weeks went by with hardly a word from my father.

Then, one afternoon, I came home from school to find my Mom sitting
at the dining room table waiting to talk to me.  I could see in her eyes
that she had been crying.  She told me that Dad had been there and that
they had had a very long talk.  They decided that there were things that
the both of them could, and would change -- and that their marriage was
worth saving.

Mom then turned her focus to my eyes.  “Kristi, Dad told me that you
wrote him a letter.  Can I ask what you wrote to him?”

I found it hard to share with my Mom what I wrote from my heart to my
Dad.  I mumbled a few words and shrugged.  My mom replied, “Well, Dad
said that when he read your letter, it made him cry.  It meant a lot to
him and I have hardly ever seen your Dad cry.  After he read your letter,
he called to ask if he could come over to talk.  Whatever you said really
made a difference to your Dad.”

A few days later, my Dad was back.  This time to stay.  We never talked
about the letter, my Dad and I.  I guess I always figured that it was
something that was a secret between us.

My parents went on to be married a total of 36 years before my Dad’s
early death, at the age of 53, cut short their lives together.  In the last
16 years of my parents’ marriage, I and all those who knew my Mom and
Dad, witnessed one of the truly “great” marriages.  Their love grew
stronger every day and my heart swelled with pride as I saw them grow
closer together.

When Mom and Dad received the news from the doctor that his heart was
deteriorating rapidly, they took it hand in hand, side by side, all the way.

After Dad’s death we had the most unpleasant task of going through his
things.  I have never liked this task and opted to run errands so I did not
have to be there while most of the things were divided and boxed up.  When
I got back from my errands, my brother said, “Kristi, Mom said to give this
to you.  She said you would know what it meant.”

As I looked down into his outstretched hand it was then that I knew the
impact of my letter that day so long ago.  In my brother’s hand was my
picture that I gave my Dad that day.  My unsentimental Dad, who never
let his emotions get the best of him.  My Dad, who almost never outwardly
showed his love for me, had kept the one thing that meant so much to him
and me.

I sat down and the tears began to flow.  Tears that I thought had dried up
from the grief of his death, but that had now found new life as I realized
what I meant to him.  Mom told me that Dad kept both the picture and that
letter his whole life.

I have a box in my home that I call the “Dad” box.  In it are so many things
that remind me of my Dad.  I pull that picture out every once in a while and
remember.  I remember a promise that was made many years ago between
a young man and his bride on their wedding day.  And I remember the
unspoken promise that was made between a father and his daughter...

A promise kept.

             -- Kristi Powers

When you divorce me, carry me out in your arms

2005-11-14T18:11:00.000+08:00

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms.

The bridal car stopped in front of our one-room flat. My buddies insisted that I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into our home. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid, I went into business and tried to make more money. When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between us seemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left home together and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in a boarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life was more likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.

Dew came into my life.

It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me from behind. My heart once again was immersed in her stream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, “You are the kind of man who best draws girls’ eyeballs.” Her words suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we just married, my wife said, “Men like you, once successful, will be very attractive to girls.”

Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. I knew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew’s hands aside and said, “You go to select some furniture, O.K.? I’ve got something to do in the company.” Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see with her. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mind although it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matter how mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly, she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I was sitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watched TV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew’s body. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, “Suppose we divorce, what will you do?” She stared at me for a few seconds without a word. Apparently she believed that ‘divorce’ was something too far away from her. I couldn’t imagine how she would react once she got to know I was serious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all the staff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hide something while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. She gently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, “He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we live together.” I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate anymore.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand.

“I've got something to tell you,” I said.

She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. “I want to divorce.” I raised a serious topic calmly.

She didn’t seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, “Why?”

“I’m serious.” I avoided her question. This so-called answer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, “You are not a man!”

At that night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart. The woman who had been living ten years with me would become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I had said.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw her writing something at the table. I fell asleep fast. When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and was asleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and in the month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason was simple: our son would finish his summer vacation a month later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, “He Ning, do you still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?”

This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me. I nodded and said, “I remember.” “You carried me in your arms,” she continued, “so, I have a requirement, that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. From now to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom to the door every morning.”

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wished to end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. “No matter what tricks she does, she has to face the result of divorce,” she said scornfully. Her words more or less made me feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. We even treated each other as a stranger. So when I carried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, “daddy is holding mummy in his arms.” His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly, “Let us start from today, don't tell our son.” I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for a long time. I found she was not young any more. There were some fine wrinkles on her face.

On the third day, she whispered to me, “The outside garden is being demolished. Be careful when you pass there.”

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we were still an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. The visualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as, where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while cooking, etc. I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. I said to her, “It seems not difficult to carry you now.”

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She tried quite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, “All my dresses have grown fatter.” I smiled. But I suddenly realized that it was because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, not because I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in her heart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out a hand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. “Dad, it's time to carry mum out.” He said. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been an essential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would change my mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we came back to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. She said, “Actually I hope you will hold me in your arms until we are old.”

I held her tightly and said, “Both you and I didn't notice that our life was lack of such intimacy.”

I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door. I said to her, “Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'm serious.”

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. “You got no fever.” She said. I moved her hand off my head. “Sorry, Dew,” I said, “I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I understand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to our child, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorry to you.”

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs and drove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for my wife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me to write the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, “I'll carry you out every morning until we are old.”

Some other things that kids say

2005-11-06T19:09:00.000+08:00

Allen, 3, went to the grocery story with his dad.  All through the
grocery store Allen asked questions, every one starting with the
query "Daddy?"  Allen was very talkative and asked what seemed like
a million questions.  When they got to the check out, the line was
very long.  Allen continued with his questions, asking, "Daddy?" to
start each one.  This question and answer session was entertainment
for the other shoppers, who were bored with waiting. Finally, Frank,
tired of answering yet another question, told Allen not to call him
"Daddy" again.  Allen sat very quietly for a few moments.  Then
there was a quiet little, "Father?"

* * * * *


Back in 1970, when Batman was on TV I would put the children to bed
and hurry down to watch, not realizing that the children were sitting
at the top of the stairs taking it all in.  One morning at breakfast,
three year old Jerry asked me what bird was singing and I said that it
was a Robin.  His prompt response was, "If that's Robin, where is
Batman?" I really didn't know how to answer.  -- Polly

* * * * *


Cherie recently flew with her 6-year-old son.  She could tell that
the pressure change during take-off was bothering his ears.  "Are
your ears popping?" Cherie asked.  He replied, "No, Mommy, my ears
have the hiccups!" -- Cherie Newman of Fort Worth, Texas

* * * * *


Laura, 7, was asked to retrieve a Phillips screwdriver from the
kitchen and bring it to her mother. She got one and said, "I think
this one is the Phillips screwdriver because the other one said
Stanley." (And, yes, she did have the Phillips screwdriver.)

A mom says 'thanks'

2005-11-05T10:31:00.000+08:00

By now you probably know about the Student's Day of Silent Solidarity which I've tackled here and in my other blog several times the past month. You can read some anecdotes and comments written by the kids themselves about their experience in being quiet for a day and standing up for unborn children. It's all here. But one comment was from a mother who had this to say:

To Brian Kemper:

My 12 yr old daughter participated in the day of silence and had such an impact by her silence that I thought to reward her for her efforts and also keep the statement she made in her school fresh in the memories of the students that asked her about her stand. She recruited 3 fellow students, all of her 7 teachers, her counselor, her vice principal and a yard duty teacher to join in her stand by the end of the school day. She also handed out over 100 fliers by the end of the day. I would like to have a t-shirt made for her with the "she is a child, not a choice" logo on it, but realize that there might be copyright infringements on the use of this logo. Can you tell me if it is possible to purchase a shirt or have a copy of the design sent to me so I can have a shirt made for her? Thank you so much for hosting this stand. It does a mom's heart good to know that not everything I teach her is just something she considers to be "uncool" and blows it off. If she hadn't asked me if she could take this stand I wouldn't have known that she has listened to me in this respect. It is good to know that even at such a young age that my daughter is becoming a young lady that is worthy of my respect and is not ashamed to stand up for the right thing even when its not necessarily a "cool" thing.

Thank you,
Stephanie

Postscript on the brave lady

2005-11-05T09:49:00.000+08:00

Text reads: We as Americans and civil people are privileged to have had a person as fine as Mrs. Parks willing to spark change in our country. Her memories will live on and teach our youth that even today we still need to embrace our civil rights as people and Americans ~ Today we celebrate the life of one of America's important women.

Rosaparks.org is the website of the Rosa & Raymond Parks Institute for Self Development. Here's an excerpt from the Statement Regarding Mrs. Parks' Passing:

Mrs. Parks was a woman who exhibited dignity with pride, courage with perseverance, and an ever-present quiet strength. Her legacy will live on through the Rosa & Raymond Parks Institute for Self-Development, a nonprofit 501(c)3 organization, which she co-founded in 1987. The mission of the Institute is to encourage youth ages 11 to 17 to reach their highest potential. The Institute's flagship program "Pathways to Freedom" gives youth from around the world the opportunity to retrace the steps of the Underground Railroad and the Civil Rights Movement and the Montgomery Bus Boycott.

Rosa Parks, 1913-2005.

A post that might leave you hanging..

2005-11-05T09:41:00.000+08:00

What I'm posting here is one of those materials that I started typing, copying from a document given at a family conference in Manila last year. I haven't finished the typing (which I started nearly two months ago) and now the document seems to have been buried underneath piles and piles of papers, magazines and a host of other stuff that I need to sort out first. But I saw this partially encoded material today and just had to put it here! I searched for a copy of the document online (the authors' names are provided) but no dice. Maybe some of you will have better luck. Here it is:

Six Secrets of Strong Families
From Secrets of Strong Families by Nick Stinnett and John DeFrain

Do strong families still exist? After 30 years as marriage and family counselors, we know that despite the average family’s ups and downs, the answer is yes. What puzzled us was why so much media attention focused on the down side of family life.

Letters poured in. A questionnaire was mailed to each family who responded and the Family Strengths Research Project was born. So far, more than 3,000 families have participated.

One of the most surprising things to emerge is that six key qualities for making a strong family function were mentioned time and time again by many families. These qualities are:

Commitment

Crucial to any family’s success is an investment of time, energy, spirit and heart, an investment otherwise known as commitment. The family comes first. Family members are dedicated to promoting each other’s welfare and happiness – and they expect the family to endure.

For strong families, commitment and sexual fidelity are so closely linked that an extramarital affair is regarded as the ultimate threat to a marriage. “An affair does terrible things to your partner’s self-esteem,” one woman wrote. “It says: ‘You’re replaceable.’”

Some families have seen commitment eroded by a more subtle enemy – work, and its demands on time, attention, and energy. One Wisconsin father offered this insight: “sometimes I feel that the time I spend with my sons could be better spent at the office. Then I remind myself that the productivity report will affect life for a few days or weeks. I must do it and it’s important, but my job as a father is more important.

“If I’m a good father to my sons, they’re likely to be good parents too. Someday – after I’m gone, and certainly after that report has rotted – my grandchild or great-grandchild will have a good father because I was a good father.”

Time together

That's all I was able to type so far. Lots of food for thought in that short excerpt, though.

The test of a civilization

2005-11-02T16:30:00.000+08:00

"Our society must make it right and possible for old people not to fear the young or be deserted by them, for the test of a civilization is the way that it cares for its helpless members."

- Pearl S. Buck (1892-1973), American author, 1938 Nobel Prize for Literature

How's life in Canada?

2005-10-31T21:56:00.000+08:00

An invitation, and a call to action...

Only 19 days to Canadian Nat'l Pro-life Conference in Montreal

Montreal, October 28, 2005 (LifeSiteNews.com) – In just a little over two and one half weeks Canada’s first fully bilingual national pro-life conference since the 1980s will take place at the St. Joseph’s Oratory facility near downtown Montreal.

The conference, hosted by Campagne Quebec Vie and sponsored by Campaign Life Coalition and LifeCanada will feature 10 plenary sessions Thursday night, Friday and Saturday involving over 30 distinguished speakers.

More about it here

* * * * * * * * * *

Canadian Parliament debates euthanasia bill on Oct. 31

Ottawa, October 31, 2005 (LifeSiteNews.com) - Bill C-407, the private-members bill proposing to legalize euthanasia and assisted suicide is scheduled for its first hour of debate in Parliament on Monday, October 31, 2005.

EPC was established in 1999 to prepare a well-informed, broadly based, network of groups and individuals who support measures that will create an effective social barrier to euthanasia and assisted suicide.

According to Alex Schadenberg, Executive director of the Euthanasia Prevention Coalition (EPC), "Bill C-407 is a direct threat to the lives of the people with disabilities, people with chronic physical and mental pain and other vulnerable Canadians. If Parliament supports this Bill in any form it is placing the lives of vulnerable Canadians at material risk."

Schadenberg points out that Bill C-407:

• Legalizes euthanasia and assisted suicide for people suffering chronic physical and mental pain. Chronic physical and mental pain can be treated.

• Does not require that a person at least try effective treatments for their chronic physical or mental pain. It states that a person qualifies for euthanasia even if they have refused to try effect treatments

• legalizes euthanasia and assisted suicide for people who "appear to be lucid" and doesn’t define what appear to be lucid means.

• allows anyone to euthanize or assist the suicide of a person, so long as they are "assisted by a medical practitioner"

Schadenberg adds, "This bill is a serious attack on vulnerable Canadians, including people with disabilities, the chronic sufferers of physical or mental pain, the frail elderly and the poor. These people need to be protected. Bill C-407 is a terrible piece of legislation that must be rejected by all members of parliament."

See Stop Bill C-407 website
http://www.stopbillc-407.com/

Moreover, doctors, lawyers and a nurse speak up about palliative care and the consequences of legalized euthanasia.

The sound of silence

2005-10-30T11:35:00.000+08:00

October 25 was the 2nd Students' Day of Silent Solidarity (see a previous post about this), a day devoted by young people to remembering the millions of unborn babies who have been silenced since the Jan. 22, 1973 decision made at the US Supreme Court.

More of the early photos of the event are posted here

Honoring the brave

2005-10-29T20:16:00.000+08:00

Students given lessons in bravery
By Antoinette Konz/Montgomery Advertiser

They sat quietly Tuesday, listening carefully to the story about the Montgomery woman who refused to give up her seat on a bus nearly 50 years ago.

Many of the third-grade students who gathered in the library at Montgomery's Seth Johnson Elementary School to honor and remember Rosa Parks said they knew who she was, but were not aware of the huge role she played in U.S. history.

"She was a very brave woman," said Karim Muhammad, 9.

"She was tired of giving up her seat on the bus every day so one day she said no. She stood up for all of the black people in the United States of America that day. I think we should stand up and remember her today."

The students at Johnson Elementary were among thousands of Montgomery Public School children who paid tribute to Parks on Tuesday. Several teachers used Parks' death as a way to connect the past with the present and the present with the future.

"I think it was very important for the students to learn about the life of Rosa Parks today," said Jacquelyn Campbell, principal at Johnson Elementary. "With her death yesterday, it was a great opportunity to take past events and apply it to current day life. With her passing, they can see for themselves the significant contributions she has made."

While the third-grade students at Johnson Elementary were reading about Parks in the library, a group of the school's fifth-grade students were in the hallway working on the Civil Rights Hall of Fame and etching several silhouettes of Parks onto the wall.

LaDarius Norman etched the infamous mugshot taken of Parks after she was arrested. He drew the image next to two other photos of Parks -- one of her being fingerprinted, the other when she was a young girl.

"This is part of their social studies project," said Norma Bishop, a fifth-grade teacher. "They did the research and came up with the pictures and words that will appear on both sides of the hallway."

LaDarius, 10, said if he would have had the chance to meet Parks, he would have thanked her.

"She was always helping people out," he said. "I would have liked to say thank you to her for giving so many people advice and for standing up for our rights."

* Photo by Julie Bennett for the Montgomery Advertiser
Caption reads: Ashlan Shepherd, 6, was among many who paid respects Tuesday at the Rosa Parks Library and Museum at Troy University Montgomery. This statue of Rosa Parks is located in the museum's art gallery.

Rosa Parks photo gallery

More about Rosa Parks at Wikipedia

What's going on inside?

2005-10-28T21:12:00.000+08:00

Here's a sample of a pregnancy ticker you can get at Baby Gaga. Birthday tickers, forums, a newsletter and even stroller reviews are all in there...

From the mouth of babes

2005-10-28T16:05:00.000+08:00

Danyelle stepped out of the shower and said, "Smell my soft hair.  I
used air conditioning."  -- Sally Morris (grandmother of Denyelle) of
Wellington, Florida

* * * * *

When Diane's 2-year-old grandson Oggie arrived, she picked him up for
a hug.  "Mmm," Diane said, "you smell good.  What smells so good?"  Oggie
replied, "Screen saver." (He meant sunscreen!)  -- Diane Schlemmer of
LaGrange, Indiana

* * * * *

MiKenzie, 4, was very excited because her parents' new car has
"sunglasses" (tinted windows)!"  -- Anne (grandmother of MiKenzie) of
Cherry Valley, Illinois

El Milagro kindergarten in Peru

2005-10-28T15:55:00.000+08:00

Every morning more than 400 children from deprived homes arrive at the kindergarten called “El Milagro” (“The Miracle”) in Chorrillos, a district of Lima, Peru. There they are given a meal, elementary education and primary health care, and above all they learn to share, and to understand the value of tidiness and lots of other virtues.

“The mothers and children who come to El Milagro have changed a lot because of the human and spiritual development they receive in this centre. They realise their own dignity as human beings and that helps them give a new meaning to their work,” said Nelly la Rosa.

Know more about this program

Ooh baby baby it's a wired world

2005-10-28T15:48:00.000+08:00

Do you still have your baby book? Pages bearing your first tiny handprint. First locks of hair. The day you uttered your first word. Maybe even a blow-by-blow account of how you wobbled into your first steps sans the stroller.

Here's a sample of a "baby diary" that you can fashion. Go by the month or year, it's up to you; you can even choose to document your newborn's first few weeks. Choose from kits and programs at Citrus Blossoms.

That's your baby book for the wired generation.

Desiderata

2005-10-26T09:32:00.000+08:00

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Stardust

2005-10-22T16:21:00.000+08:00

"Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children."

- Alex Haley (1921-1992), American author whose works of historical fiction and reportage depicted the struggles of African Americans. Became famous with the publication of the novel Roots. Pulitzer Prize winner, 1977.

Talk to the hand

2005-10-22T15:45:00.000+08:00

It's hardly surprising that a preschooler who has been spending his whole life (all 4 or 5 long years of it) around the family dog would assume that canines and humans are on the exact same level as far as the hierarchy of creatures is concerned.

Keeping a family dog does have benefits in that it provides occasions for play in the home as well as opportunities to teach kids about responsibility. Also, having a pet around is a good way to demonstrate to a child what he is and what he is not ("we drink our milk from the glass, we don't lap it up from a bowl like Pepper does"). Another thing you can tell kids when they're behaving more like four-legged creatures is that for humans, there is such a thing as manners. Dogs can be taught tricks; persons learn manners and what these are for.

You can learn a thing or two, if you please, by checking out the following -- from the book Talk to the Hand by Lynne Truss :

Manners are about showing consideration, and using empathy. But they are also about being connected to the common good; they are about being better. Every time a person says to himself, “What would the world be like if everyone did this?” or “I’m not going to calculate the cost to me on this occasion. I’m just going to do the right thing”, or “Someone seems to need this seat more than I do ”, the world becomes a better place. It is ennobled. The crying shame about modern rudeness is that it’s such a terrible missed opportunity for a different kind of manners — manners based, for the first time, not on class and snobbery, but on a kind of voluntary charity that dignifies both the giver and the receiver by being a system of mutual, civil respect.

And what's more...

Being friendly and familiar with strangers is not the same as being polite (as we have seen), but if it helps us to overcome our normal reticence, all right, be friendly. Yes, we live in an aggressive “Talk to the hand” world. Yes, we are systematically alienated and have no sense of community. Yes, we swear a lot more than we used to, and we prefer to be inside our own individual Bart Simpson bubbles. But just because these are the conditions that promote rudeness does not mean that we can’t choose to improve our happiness by deciding to be polite to one another.

You may access the article from The Times Online

The house of 1,000 mirrors

2005-10-22T15:19:00.000+08:00

A Japanese folktale...

Long ago in a small far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1,000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high, and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1,000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1,000 great smiles just as warm and friendly.

As he left the House, he thought to himself, “This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often.”

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1,000 unfriendly-looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1,000 little dogs growling back at him.

As he left, he thought to himself, “That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again.”

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflection do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Silent solidarity

2005-10-19T20:55:00.000+08:00

Find out what it's about in this news article and get more details at SilentDay.org

What happened on Jan. 22, 1973?

Strength of character

2005-10-17T23:23:00.000+08:00

"The depth and strength of a human character are defined by its moral reserves. People reveal themselves completely only when they are thrown out of the customary conditions of their life, for only then do they have to fall back on their reserves."

- Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519), Italian draftsman, painter, sculptor, architect and engineer whose genius epitomized the Renaissance ideal

When one tsunami survivor helps the others

2005-10-17T22:00:00.000+08:00

"Of course, my personal loss will take a lifetime to recover from," Ikehashi said after returning to Japan in September. "But this visit made me think I should not be grieving because (in Sri Lanka) I saw that people are struggling but trying their best to rebuild their lives."

That's Mineko Ikehashi (extreme left in the photo), a Japanese woman who lost her husband in the Dec. 26, 2004 tsunami when they were snorkeling on the waters off the coast of Sri Lanka. Despite the loss and her continued grieving, she has teamed up with some private groups and individuals and gone back to Sri Lanka to carry out programs that are helping the locals -- specifically the thousands of widowed women -- get back on their feet via skills-training.

Full story in The Japan Times

Go, Johnny, go! Go!

2005-10-17T21:30:00.000+08:00

His parents were waiting on the shore; his brothers Chase, Harrison and Colin held up hand-drawn signs of encouragement as the 9-year-old boy sliced the waters from Alcatraz to Aquatic Park in San Francisco. And for more than an hour, the 4th grader's friends and their parents waited on shore for him to arrive.

By now you must have heard of Johnny Wilson and his 1.4-mile swim to raise money for the victims of Katrina. He ended up raising $30,000 but he definitely couldn't have done it without the all-out support of family and friends. Mom Leslie was first to greet him with a hug as he reached the shore, and his dad whisked him off to the shower when the boy said he was tired after the swim. According to the news report, even 9-year-old Jordan -- Johnny's friend since preschool -- was there to cheer him on.

Read the whole story here

* Photo from Associated Press

Funny kids

2005-10-14T20:46:00.000+08:00

Jodi's family recently vacationed in the Dominican Republic.  It was
quite an experience for Zack, 8, and Brooklyn, 6, and they especially liked
helping to tip the maid, bartenders, tour guides, bus drivers, etc.  On the
way back home, once the plane had landed, Zack loudly asked his Dad, "Do we
have to tip the pilot now, too?!"  -- Jodi (mother of Zack and Brooklyn) of
Ontario, Canada

* * * * *


Quinn, 2, saw a picture of the Statue of Liberty.  She pointed to the
picture and said, "Look, Mommy -- she has to hold her ice cream up so Tyson
(the family dog) doesn't get it!"  -- Angela Cox (mother of Quinn) of Lee's
Summit, Missouri

* * * * *


Elizabeth was babysitting for a family with five children.  While
getting dinner ready one night she asked Andrew, 4, what kind of vegetable
he would like with dinner -- green beans or brussel sprouts.  "I want the
muscle sprouts!" he said.  "Muscle sprouts make you strong!"  -- Elizabeth
Ely of Trumbull, Connecticut

* * * * *


Mark, 2, had just finished another art masterpiece.  "Let's give it to
Daddy," his mother suggested.  "How about we write 'To Daddy, Love Mark' at
the top?"  Mark shook his head and corrected her.  "No, Mommy," he said
firmly.  "One Daddy loves Mark."  -- Julie Kelsey (mother of Mark) of
Germantown, Maryland

* From Kidwarmers

Babyface

2005-10-14T18:57:00.000+08:00

In the 1970s, the world saw a technological breakthrough that enabled doctors, expectant mothers and everybody else involved in the pregnancy to catch a glimpse of the world inside the womb. Real-time ultrasound was a first back then, and not only did it afford parents a view of their pre-born baby; it also changed the way doctors and other medical professionals regarded pregnancy. One example is Dr. Bernard Nathanson, an obstetrician who used to run the world's biggest abortion clinic and who has since come to understand the value of every person's life -- born and unborn.

“In 1976, we saw the development of real-time ultrasound, which let us see a fetus reacting to light and sound, heat and cold—we could see the baby sleeping, sucking its thumb—and here I realized that a child deserves protection from violence like anybody in society,” he said. (The very first post on this blog is a magazine article about Dr. Nathanson)

The 2-D ultrasound is a far cry from the 4-D imaging technology of today. The clarity of the 4-D sonogram image (such as the one you see here) resembles a high-quality photograph. Through more realistic images, even the baby's facial expressions are clear to the untrained eye. The baby can be seen smiling, sucking its thumb and expressing emotions like surprise or fear. The parents can even watch him move, kick, stretch and yawn!

You can learn more and view more images at Women's Health Professionals

Also check out First Look Sonogram and March of Dimes

Digital-age family albums

2005-10-13T19:28:00.000+08:00

"Digi scrappers" and "computer scrapbooking" are terms I learned only recently via link-hopping. Shabby Princess is a visual treat with loads of info and other resources on digi scrapping (kits, paper arts, software etc.), which led me to other sites, among them Citrus Blossoms. This site contains sample designs, one of which is the one you see here.

Technology is your friend this time, helping you "immortalize" days you'd like to remember and display with some creativity -- a wedding anniversary date, the arrival of a baby, days-out with your children, etc.

Keep your kids (and yourself) real amid tech

2005-10-13T12:51:00.000+08:00

Phil is a stay-at-home dad, and his blog -- A Family Runs Through It -- is included in the list of blogs on the left. Now I'm going one step further and posting an interesting entry from his blog which I think many will find not only relevant but quite helpful, too:

Great article in the Wall Street Journal about how technology helps kids disconnect from their parents. If your child has a TV, computer, iPod, cellphone and stereo in their room, then it's no wonder they aren't talking to you.

I still find it hard to believe that nearly half of all 4-6 year-olds have a TV in their room. That's just so sad. The only media my kids are allowed in their rooms are books and music. The computer and TV are in a central area in the family room. We share those things, watching movies and TV shows together, and figuring out all the clues on the I Spy software. Sometime soon I'll be hooking their computer up to the Internet and installing a kid-friendly filter.

You can read the rest here

A little girl needs Daddy

2005-10-10T19:10:00.000+08:00

A little girl needs Daddy
For many, many things:
Like holding her high off the ground
Where the sunlight sings!

Like being the deep music
That tells her all is right
When she awakens frantic with
The terrors of the night.

Like being the great mountain
That rises in her heart
And shows her how she might get home
When all else falls apart.

Like giving her the love
That is her sea and air,
So diving deep or soaring high
She'll always find him there.

- Oliver Matla

Happy feet

2005-10-10T17:39:00.000+08:00

What's it like for the pre-born baby during the 3rd month?

At 9 to 10 weeks, he squints, swallows, moves his tongue, and if you stroke his palm, will make a tight fist.

By 9 weeks he will "bend his fingers round an object in the palm of his hand." Valman & Pearson, "What the Fetus Feels," British Med. Jour., Jan. 26, 1980

When does he start to breathe?

"By 11 to 12 weeks (3 months), he is breathing fluid steadily and continues so until birth. At birth, he will breathe air. He does not drown by breathing fluid with-in his mother, because he obtains his oxygen from his umbilical cord. This breathing develops the organs of respiration." "Life Before Birth," Life Magazine, Apr. 30, 1965, p. 13

When does the baby's heart begin to beat? Does he develop fingernails early? What about eyelashes? Can he cry inside? Does he hear conversations 12 feet away from his mom? You can learn the answers here

* Photo shows the feet of a 10-week old pre-born baby

The things that kids say...

2005-10-06T17:58:00.000+08:00

Being pregnant can seem like a never-ending experience, especially for a little boy waiting for a new brother or sister. Jonah, 5, was watching his mother go through her maternity clothes and he told his father that, "Mommy is sorting out her eternity clothes!" -- Neil
Grepke (father of Jonah) of Kendallville, Indiana

* * * * *

Sylvia, 5, was talking with her father about the Mississippi River. Sylvia asked, "Is there
a Mister-sippi River?"  -- Jodi Villarreal (mother of Sylvia) of St. Paul, Minnesota

* * * * *

Christopher, 4, had been having a tough time behaving.  At bedtime, he asked for a
candy bar.  His mother said, "You may have one bite of a candy bar.  If you behave
better tomorrow, you can eat more of the candy bar." She handed him the candy
bar.  Christopher put his hands together and prayed, "God, make my mouth big
because I only get one bite tonight!"  -- Lisa (mother of Christopher) of Syracuse,
New York

* * * * *

Rose Ann tells about a friend of hers who was driving to a wedding reception
with her son, daughter-in-law and her two small grandchildren. They were in the
car after the wedding, on the way to the reception, when the youngest said,
"Daddy, are we on the way to the conception!"  -- Rose Ann of South Lyon, Michigan

Someone who understands

2005-10-06T17:53:00.000+08:00

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the pups and set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.

He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.

“Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”

“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, “these puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”

The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.

“I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”

“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle, “Here, Dolly!” he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.

The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared; this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid. Then in a somewhat awkward manner the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up…

“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.

The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said, “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”

With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.

Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”

* Photo from BeaumontHospitals.com

The benefits of bonding with grandparents

2005-10-04T17:32:00.000+08:00

If you've seen grandparents spending time with their grandchildren -- or if you've experienced the same thing yourself -- you know how beneficial this time can be to both young and old. The bonding can take on the form of anything from goofy playtime to dough-kneading together in the kitchen, war-time storytelling to outdoor exploration. It can be loads of fun; it can be sessions of sharing pockets of wisdom as well.

"Children who establish a close bond with their grandparents learn about their cultural heritage and family history, which can give them a stronger sense of belonging," states KidsHealth. "In addition, the unconditional love provided by grandparents allows children to develop trust and to feel safe with people other than their parents."

If your family's circumstances make staying in touch with the grandparents a little challenging, KidsHealth offers some tips.

Recognizing Alzheimer's in your loved one

2005-10-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

Dutchy over at Ask Dutchy receives lots of questions about caring for the elderly including those with Alzheimer's, Dementia, Parkinson's and others needing long-term care. One such question was the following:

Q:What are some of the signs of Alzheimer's? My mother forgets everything, and is acting really odd when I visit her. I have also noticed that her house is smelling pretty nasty.

Here is a portion of Dutchy's reply:

Top 10 Signs that your loved one may have Alzheimer's Disease.

1. Memory loss. One of the most common early signs of dementia is forgetting recently learned information. While it’s normal to forget appointments, names or telephone numbers, those with dementia will forget such things more often and not remember them later.

2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks. People with dementia often find it hard to complete everyday tasks that are so familiar we usually do not think about how to do them. A person with Alzheimer’s may not know the steps for preparing a meal, using a household appliance or participating in a lifelong hobby.

3. Problems with language. Everyone has trouble finding the right word sometimes, but a person with Alzheimer’s often forgets simple words or substitutes unusual words, making his or her speech or writing hard to understand. If a person with Alzheimer’s is unable to find his or her toothbrush, for example, the individual may ask for “that thing for my mouth.”

You can read the rest here.

Definition of love

2005-10-04T17:14:00.000+08:00

Dutchy got the following from a friend then shared it with others via her blog. I'm posting it here as well:

BEST DEFINITION OF LOVE I HAVE EVER HEARD ...

It was a busy morning, approximately 8:30 a.m., when an elderly gentleman in his 80's, arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, we began to engage in conversation. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife.

I then inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease. As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?"

He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical, nor romantic. True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there are some that come along that have an important message, and this is one of those kind. Just had to share it with you all.

Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have. (Amen to that!)

Please share this with someone you care about!

Boys becoming men

2005-10-02T23:40:00.000+08:00

"It is in every woman's best interest to live in a world with well-formed men, who understand duty, honor, and justice," stated the blogger at the end of an entry at Feminine Genius. The entry -- titled "Authentic masculinity" -- caught my eye...

One could reach out to young men by throwing them basketballs, or by titillating them with girly images, or even by miring them in an easy love of technology or speed. But this article by Katherine Kersten profiles an excellent young teacher who captivates young men with good literature:

My son had many fine teachers at his high school, Providence Academy in Plymouth [MN]. Had any one in particular made an impact? My son answered promptly: William Lasseter, his literature teacher. What made him unique? The answer startled us.

"He taught us about manhood. All the guys would tell you so."

You can read the rest at Feminine Genius.

* Illustration: The Muscleman (1939) by Norman Rockwell

Have you ever thought of chivalry as a mutual art?

2005-10-02T23:26:00.000+08:00

Or do you even still think about chivalry at all?

Here's something that link-hopping again led me to -- a light and insightful piece by Darryl James:

Chivalry: 1. Gallantry, courtesy and honor. 2. The noble qualities a knight was supposed to have, such as courage and a readiness to help the weak. 3. The demonstration of any of these qualities.

We often hear that chivalry is dying, or that the art is dead, but many of us have no idea why.

That's how the essay starts. Then check this out, a few paragraphs later:

None of us can be honest and discuss the death of chivalry without also discussing its diminishing at the hands of both men and women. Currently, women discuss how men are no longer chivalrous, while men discuss how women have been rejecting chivalry. Modern chivalry fit fairly well during a time before the current women's rights movement, when women began to reject traditional roles and behavior, including the roles and behavior required for garnering chivalrous behavior.

For example, feminism taught women that displays of chivalry were, in many ways demeaning and condescending. The new idea was that since men did not hold doors for each other, why would they do so for any other equal? The image of the chivalrous man protecting the weaker "damsel in distress" did not fit well with the evolving image of the woman as equal, strong and independent.

Frankly, I find the ideas in this piece thought-provoking and somewhat a breath of fresh air since the topic of chivalry, after all, hasn't found its way in mainstream print in recent years except for nonchalant declarations like "chivalry is dead." Also, reading a man's perspective on the matter makes for informative material.

I assert that chivalry was attacked because it was misinterpreted. Instead of viewing it as a mutual art, yesterday's feminists saw the deference to females as negative. The perception was that old-fashioned chivalry was showered on women who were weaker than men, which had to be rejected by women who were seeking equality. But chivalry was also about courtesy and respect, both given and received.

Men should still pursue courtesy and respect for womanhood. We need to teach young men how to be gentlemen, so that our real traditions can be passed on. Women who wish to receive chivalry today, must do two things: Stand ready to return the respect and courtesy, and communicate those desires properly.

The article includes a bit of historical information -- social norms among Africans and African-Americans (the author is African-American) -- so keep this in mind if you decide to check it out.

Peace begins in the womb

2005-09-30T08:16:00.000+08:00

The most dangerous place in the world is not Iraq, Afghanistan, Sudan or the Congo. The most dangerous place in the world these days is the womb. Pre-born babies are being killed in what is supposed to be a haven -- the safest and most secure place around -- at a greater rate than any other section of society.

This coming Sunday, October 2, is International Life Chain Sunday. Life Chains have been held every year since 1987 in the USA and since 1992 in South Africa. Officially, over 440,000 babies have been killed through abortion in South Africa since February 1, 1997 – legally.

The Life Chains will be one of the positive ways that we can stand up for the sanctity of life and speak up for the right to life of pre-born babies. In Cape Town, South Africa, everyone is enjoined to gather at the entrance to the Waterfront in Buitengracht Street, downtown Cape Town at 1:45 pm.

This is one positive and practical why by which those who have been given the chance to be born can "speak up for those who cannot speak up for themselves."

Love & affection in Q&A

2005-09-27T18:42:00.000+08:00

I think a lot of people can relate to what's in this entry.

My first issue of the weekly Q&A column from Marriage Builders came a few days ago. It's an e-column and it's for free, as is the monthly newsletter from the same group. You can easily subscribe by visiting the website. Or you can simply check out the courses, seminars, discussions and other Q&A materials in there. A lot of it can be quite enlightening.

Dr. Harley's reply to last week's Q&A question is four paragraphs long, but I'm posting it in full here as the topic is pretty relevant to many married couples:

The Marriage Builders® Weekly Q&A Column
By Willard F. Harley, Jr. Ph.D.
September 23, 2005

This Week:
--------------------------------
- Affection without Love (Emotional Needs)
--------------------------------

Dear Dr. Harley,

My wife needs me to tell her that I love her, verbally and with cards,
notes etc. My problem is I don't feel love for her and I am not
comfortable telling her I love her unless I honestly feel it. There
are a couple of things I can do to show affection like hugs, back rub
etc – should I just concentrate on these things? Even these things are
hard for me to do at this time because I do not feel love for her, but
I have done them because she needs it and raises a LARGE fuss if I
don't.

Benny

-      -      -      -      -      -      -

Dear Benny,

Love comes in two forms. The first is the FEELING of love, which is
what I hope you and your wife are able to eventually create in each
other. The second is COMMITMENT of care, which is what affection
communicates. When you express affection to your wife, you are not
telling her you are IN love with her, but rather that you care about
her, and will be there for her when she needs you. So you can honestly
express affection even if you are not in love, as long as you have
chosen to care for her.

But if you have not chosen to care for her, then you are really in
trouble, because it's your willingness to care for each other that
makes it possible to be IN LOVE with each other.  Without your care
for each other, you’re very unlikely to meet the needs that will
trigger your feeling of love.

The other point you made was that if you don't show your wife
affection, "she will raise a LARGE fuss." That means she has not
overcome Love Busters. As I mention repeatedly, demands will not help
either of you get into the habit of meeting each other's emotional
needs. The more she demands affection, the more likely it is that you
will develop an aversion to meeting her need. I encourage you to learn
to be an affectionate husband, but not because she will "raise a fuss"
if you don't. In fact, I want her to make a commitment never to demand
affection from you again.

I want you to be an expert at meeting your wife’s need for affection
because that's what it will take for her to be in love with you. And
be sure that she does the same for you by meeting your most important
emotional needs – not because you demand it, but because you both care
for each other.  When you have both learned to make each other happy,
you’ll be able to tell your wife that you not only care for her, but
you are also in love with her.

Best wishes

Willard F. Harley, Jr.

Look in the mirror

2005-09-27T18:36:00.000+08:00

"To put the world in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must cultivate our personal life; and to cultivate our personal life, we must first set our hearts right."

- Confucius, China's most famous teacher, philosopher and political theorist (551-479 B.C.)

Becoming Mr. & Mrs. Wonderful

2005-09-24T18:19:00.000+08:00

Men Are Like Waffles - Women Are Like Spaghetti

By Bill Farrell et. al.

From an ordinary reader: "The title explains this book! How man and women "think" is very different and in this humorous book, Farrel tells another way the sexes differ. Great read for understanding the opposite sex, and how to relate to them successfully."

Scream Savers: Calming Ideas for Frazzled Moms

By Karol Ladd

The Power of a Positive Wife
By Karol Ladd

His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

By William F. Harley Jr.

Teen ambitions, family dinners and more

2005-09-24T10:46:00.000+08:00

What do you do with loads of information that you have, so that you avoid information overload? Stop reading, watching TV, conversing with people? Withdraw from society? It depends. I'm choosing to pass them on to you as links, with each link accompanied by a brief peek into what it's all about. All this news is getting to be mind-boggling.

So, take your pick.

* * * * * * * * * *

The incredible reappearing family dinner
Don't sell the dinner table -- family meals are making a comeback. There is even a book about their surprising power.
MercatorNet

UK Pre-Teens Aspiring Porn Stars?

American Civil Liberties Union credited for spread of porn in US
LifeSite

Mummy, I want to be a porn star
Pornography is becoming so acceptable in Britain that even teenage girls see it as a
career, writes Kira Cochrane.
The London Times

Local activists in four states stop Movie Gallery porn sales
These activists took on Movie Gallery, the nation's reading renter of porn videos. And they
won.
American Family Association Journal

'Wanna see a picture?'

2005-09-23T18:28:00.000+08:00

My mother has a photo of my dad in her wallet. One of my brothers, I think, carries a few images of his family in his PDA -- some are of him, his wife and son all together, and there's at least one that's a shot of him with his wife.

I believe this is the exception rather than the rule, based on my experience of happily obliging to countless "wanna see a picture of my baby/babies/kids/eldest/youngest?" questions from moms. The invitations range from quietly beaming to giddily gleeful, after which the "oooohh"-ing and "aaaahh"-ing ensues. It's always a delight to see photos of kids; more so to sense the pride and joy in the parents as they talk about even the littlest detail about their toddler's fascination for dinosaurs or their 3rd grader gently shushing his little sister and leading her out of the room "because mama's doing her prayer." Moms sometimes even relate a child's difficulty with adjusting to a new school or a teenage daughter's apparent poor judgment at seeing a guy who was brash and flunking out of school. The disappointment in the moms' voices was apparent, but the love and concern were undeniable.

I wait for the "wanna see a picture of my husband/hubby/very own Richard Gere?" question, ready with my "sure!" It doesn't come, though. Sometimes it does but that is very rare. "Hey, who's that?" I eye a snapshot lodged somewhere else in a former officemate's wallet. "Oh, that's my husband," she nonchalantly replies as if it were some insignificant detail.

I'm aware of the unique bond between mother and child owing to the nine-month connection that pregnancy builds. It is a connection like no other. At the same time, it seems easy to take the marriage bond for granted and so the connection, instead of being strengthened and enhanced, runs the risk of waning (at best) or even breaking (at worst).

I was supposed to write an intro to precede some insightful (and fact-backed) words about marriage and family that I found in a book. I went on and on again! Okay, enough of the intro. Here are the goods:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What are the priorities of a good parent?

First, your spouse
A good marriage is the bedrock of good parenting. If the spouses love each other, are prepared to sacrifice for each other and communicate well, their children will absorb their virtues. But, as everyone knows, this demands a daily struggle.

Learn to admire the strengths of your spouse; don’t get fixated on faults. Put your spouse on a pedestal in your child’s eyes; back up the other’s decisions. Couples need to know how to make decisions they are both happy with. They need habits of talking out differing opinions on privileges, punishments, ground rules, etc.

- from Parenting for Character by Andrew Mullins (Finch Publishing, 2005)

Just the beat of my own art

2005-09-22T00:20:00.000+08:00

This illustration -- titled No Swimming -- is one of my favorites by American artist Norman Rockwell (1894-1978). Three posts down is Doctor and Doll, another of his works.

In case you haven't been scanning the list of links lately, I've included some art resources. Some of them are blogs (Fox in Socks, Humblearts Journal...); hence, the contents are updated regularly. There are a couple of portfolios and art gallery/shop websites in there (Robert Alejandro, Nuestra Tierra...) which more or less show the kind of work the artist does or the pieces that the shop carries. Others, like Karin Eriksson, not only have links to their blogs somewhere in their websites -- they also provide photos and links to those that inspire their art.

I hope you get to check these out sometime. There's watercolor, ink, oil, ceramics, glass, beadwork, clay and other materials that I'm not even familiar with! You'll find diversity in this list of links, as you'll get to see the work of artists from the Philippines, Sweden, Israel and Mexico (to name a few) represented here.

I don't know about you but when I look at the different artworks in those sites, I'm reminded of the inner richness of humanity and how artistic talent can reflect the richness of that which is around us.